I am depressed. I am aware of this fact. I am swishing back and forth between eating too much and making myself physically sick and not eating at all.
All I want to do is sleep. If I am sleeping, I’m not thinking. So sleep wins.
I am for the most part avoiding social media as far as putting anything personal out there, no one needs to know what I am feeling right now. I am not putting my work out there anymore. A decision I came to today. This is kind of where this bout of depression started anyway.
The support I give to others is not given in return so I will work in silence and keep it to myself for now. It is not like it matters to anyone else anyway.
There has been a great deal going on in my life with medical issues and tests. I have had some tests to take at work, I have agreed to teach a class on jewelry making, only to prove one single point.
I need to get past that and maybe things will get better.
Someone recently reminded me that I am a beautiful, sexy creature, going into detail what they would like to do with me. It made me feel good that someone noticed, made me feel bad that it was the wrong person.
They reminded that I am a person who likes to be desired and to a point, I was starving for that. I am not the woman that men look at with desire. I am not what most men look at with lust in their eyes.
I am the type of woman that supports you and doesn’t ask anything in return. I am your biggest cheerleader, I will do anything to make something happen for you only to be overlooked.
So when someone tells you that they desire to touch your body, it scares and thrills you at the same time. You go from oh wow to what do you want from me in like 2.2 seconds.
The thing is that this man knows what he wants and is not shy saying it.
All this is temporary, it will all pass and things will go back to normal. My job is to ride out the storm. I may have to sleep through it but I am okay with that.