So the last time I wrote, it was about my anxiety. I have a friend who is a nurse and I just sat down and had a talk with her.
We talked about a great number of things. She let me talk as she listened. Then she spoke. She kind of hit me where I lived.
She said, we have known each other a while, yet every time we speak, you put that chair between us. You have a wall up.
You want to let someone in, I see the smile when your phone goes off, there is someone. I had to tell her yes. She said but you are afraid to let him. You have had a big hurt. You don’t know how to take the lead. You are afraid that you will get hurt again.
I understand that change is scary for you. The least little thing can set your anxiety off so you keep yourself being this nice brick wall. Maybe it is time to bust down that wall. You are the only one that can do it. You don’t need to be afraid to let people see the soft person behind that strong persona you put off.
You have lived through the worst thing you could live through. Maybe it is time for you to let someone in, completely.
You need to stop holding yourself to the standard that your do. You give everyone else a pass, you accept everyone’s excuses. Yet, you don’t give yourself the same break.
It is time for you to tear down that wall you have been hiding behind. Maybe it it time for you to love again. It really is okay for you to touch someone you love. It sets off endorphins in the brain. That will help make your life so much better. You don’t need to be so afraid. Everyone needs to touch and it might be as good for him as it is for you.
It gave me a great deal to think about. Yeah, I think it is time to bust through and find out where things could go if I just throw caution to the wind and live for real.
Screw what everyone else thinks. It is after all my life. It is time for me to love and allow myself to be loved, exactly for who I am.
A woman who craves human contact in the most intimate of ways. A woman who wants to be seen as a sexy beast. A woman who is confident enough in herself to wear that corset she longs to own, for him but more for herself. A woman who wants to be fully awake instead of making love to him in my dreams.