On Nights Like This…..


It is four in the morning. Normally I would be at work but I have been sick the last two days. Working on a confined space everyone would rather I keep my bug to myself.

So I sit alone. I have played all my games. Finished an actual hold in your hands and turn the pages book and read two fan fictions on my phone.

The house is silent except the sound of my heat source running. I smell the chamomile tea sitting next to me.

The only light is the floor lamp next to my chair. I am in my bathrobe and little else.

I have basically slept the past two days hoping that sweet relief would come and hoping I didn’t infect anyone else.

My mind has become so trained to my schedule that it knows I should be at work. So sleep evades me for now.

I do not do well with sickness. I can help others through theirs but I get on my own nerves when I am cooped up in the house.

This particilar sickness has shown me a great deal. It has shown me who truly cares about my well being and it has shown me who does not.

I forbade my parents to come into the house. So my mom has been on the phone constantly. My dad brought some jello and saltine crackers by in hopes I could keep that down.

My supervisor has been great through all this taking an extra shift I was supposed to work and working out an exchange so that my night shift counterpart and I will switch a day. She asked me if there was anything she could bring me.

My boss made the same offer.

One of my coworkers dropped off two bottles of Gatorade on my porch and texting me to let me know they were there would not accept any money for them.

The lead officer on my shift called me making sure there was nothing I needed, telling me to call him if I thought of anything.

My person reminded me that rest was the best thing for me at this time, which it was.

My best friend has checked up on my day and night in some form or fashion.

Even my crepeer somehow knew I was sick and asked me how I was feeling. I am assuming someone we both know had told him. Because I sure didn’t. That part freaked me out more than a little.

For the lack of “love”  I feel at times, there are moments like this where I am overwhelmed by the amount of caring shown to me.

There are some I haven’t heard from mostly family but that’s not on me. When they need me I’ll remember to forget. Sometimes holding on hurts worse than letting go.

So for now I sit here in my solitude, drinking my tea, allowing it to comfort me. I will read one more Criminal Minds fan fiction and wait for sunrise so I can get back on my schedule.



I need to be in a place of comfort. If that be a space, a relationship, clothing and shoes, hobbies, when I sleep,  all things.

Now having said that, I do a lot of activities in the confines of my home. I dress for comfort. When I am working in my work room, honestly it is very scant. I am there in usually a tee shirt, underwear and my apron.

When I am writing, it kind of depends on what I am writing. I am trying to be tactful here so I am not going to go into much detail. Let’s just say I dress for the part.

It is part of my creative process. I need to feel what it would feel like to actually feel the part that I am writing about. It is something that makes me feel ummmm, desirable which is good when I am writing about my desires.

When I am making jewelry, I don’t worry about how I look, I wear the afore mention workroom clothing. When I am trying to promote my product, I want to look like a business woman. When I am photographing an event, I dress differently than when I am doing nature photography. When I am hiking different clothing and shoes. When I go to work the uniform. To church, dresses or skirts.

I just want to feel comfortable in what I wear, how may hair looks; currently, it has blue highlights. I have mermaid hair.

I don’t wear any of this for anyone else. I change my hair, put on makeup, dress as I wish because it makes me feel good. When I feel good, apparently it is obvious. People notice and I’m not looking to get noticed. I was actually told the other day by someone that they were watching me. Not sure what they meant by it, didn’t ask. I don’t really care anymore who is looking or watching. I am gonna do me. Blue hair and all.