I am going to admit something here I would never say out loud. I let my health go down hill in a big way. I did so because I lost faith in the medical system.
In the past, something huge was missed and it cost me my spouse. Why go to the doctor if they are going to half assed do their job and you are going to die anyway?
So for 6 years, when someone would tell me to go to the doctor when I felt bad almost got them punched in the throat.
Fast forward to this year, my insurance required me to get a physicals or be penalized. So… I put it off as long as I could.
I go to the doctor, after considering many, I chose one that I knew. It is not easy to let just anyone do a full exam on you including a Pap smear.
So I went. First words I get from the nurse, who is a friend of mine was “Get completely naked, put the gown on open in the front.” Being uncomfortable, I say and take a selfie. She said I better not see this on Facebook.
My nerves were at an all time high. The come in and check my sugar and it is high. They do an A1C right there in the office. It is double what it supposed to be.
When it came time for the Pap smear I made a joke about needing a battering ram to get in there it has been so long since I have well you know. They laughed. It was the easiest exam I have ever had down there.
She decided to put me on a shot each day. I could handle that. I got this.
Well, nobody told me acclimating to this new medicine would make me very sick. It did. For three days I would work and sleep. Eating made me deathly ill. I nibbled.
I was so sick the second day, I missed something very important. I got up to get ready and wound up vomiting. I just went back to bed.
And let me tell you, there is nothing like trying to throw up in a toilet that you share with your coworkers.
Add to this that I am a terrible patient, I got down mentally and emotionally. I felt isolated. I had one friend who because I was absent on social media came to the office to check on me. My best friend was about to lose her mind because I wasn’t answering her text, although I wasn’t getting the text because she was sending them to my home number not my cell.
My person checked on me but allowed me to process. And my mom more than checked on me. None of my other family members cared enough to pick up the phone to call or even text.
I laid here and I cried. I would have to make myself get up and function and I felt like I couldn’t.
My guys at work knew I was sick and would drop in at random times to see how I was. Not asking any questions just random drop ins.
Then came the news that I had a couple more things wrong.
Considering it had been so long since I had seen a doctor things could have been much worse.
Having been on the meds almost a week I am feeling better. I still get sick after the shot or if I eat too much but I don’t feel as run down.
I remember just a few weeks ago praying and telling God that I was just so tired. That I needed real rest. At one point I thought death would be easier than just functioning.
I thought I was just pushing myself too hard. Working, trying to get things in a gallery, getting ready in a short time for a craft show. My anxiety was high to say the least.
Well, fast forward a week later…. my blood sugar is under better control (according to the mornings fasting test), I have lost 10 pounds (according to this mornings weigh in ) and I am resting well enough that I am getting to a dream state, although underlying fears and insecurity are coming to the front.
I know old habits needed to die, my system had to be broken down only to be built back now.
Now to take care of the emotional toil life is taking.
One thing at a time.