What The Heck Is Wrong With Me???

I have that feeling of unsettledness at the moment. Not sure where it is leading. I just something is not quite right.

It is one of those times when I am wondering what I have done wrong, although nothing comes to mind. No matter how anyone treats me, I blame myself, if someone is not talking to me, I have done something. I may not have but it is ingrained in my personality type, it is always our fault.

It is the end of the long week at work for me so that could have something to do with it.

It is during that week that I feel isolated. I don’t have much human contact outside work. I work, sleep and eat. You don’t have anyone to sit and talk with face to face. Because, you wake up in time to get to work.

That is the week I don’t get enough fresh air, sunshine and exercise. I start to get into my own head and the overthinking starts.

The negative committee begins to chatter. There is no way he can want you. You are not good enough. You are not smart enough. You feel like your thought process is so simple compared to his world view. What could you do better? Why even though you are trying to lose weight, it seems to hang on for dear life?

You fight against it with all your might. I am as good as anyone else; I am no better but just as good.  I may not be able to do what others do but they can’t do what I do. Don’t sit in the chair for 12 hours. Walk more than you have been walking. Leave the house just a little bit earlier so that you can get more fresh air and sunshine.

Still you struggle. Making yourself mentally and emotionally weary. You just have to carry on and do the best you can. Don’t let anyone see you are not okay right at the moment. You will be again, just not right now.

Tomorrow is my first day of the short week. I have to be at my part time job at noon, so still no rest but human face to face contact. It is a place to start.

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