I hate days like today. Woke up with a major anxiety attack. Cried my eyes out, got in the car started driving, heard one song, cried again. THIS SUCKS!!!
Too much isolation. Too many questions. Too much pain. Too much thinking. Not enough moving. Not enough doing.
I need supplies for the jewelry business but with this being the long week at my “real job”, I haven’t had time to get what I need so at work I have been vegging out between calls. Not doing anything to keep my brain busy so I have had way too much time to think. Not good when I am in this mental place.
I am lonely. Tears instantly sprang to my eyes as I typed those three words.
I. Am. Lonely. I need human connection.
The feeling of isolation during the long week is overwhelming at best. I think that is why there is such a washout in my business. You work 12 hour shifts for 5 out of 7 day, your contact with the real world is limited. When you work night shift it is even worse because you sleep some days and some nights.
Right now, the only thing I want right now is to be held by one person. I want them to put there arms around me for a while and let me cry into their chest.
Tonight I am two hours into the shift and the level of traffic I have had is overwhelming yet, I have to keep my own feelings buried. Can’t let them see me sweat.
This is temporary. It will pass. I just need to hold on and let it go.