I am a creature of habit. Most of us are. We like our comfort zone, which is why it is called a comfort zone.
Recently, my comfort zone has been shattered. Not in a good way. I allowed fear to be instilled with me. I allowed the harsh words who was lashing out at life, get into my head.
It wasn’t personal at all but it was directed toward my human form because that is all they saw.
This happened several days ago and I have been dealing with it since. I haven’t talked but to a couple people about it. The people who are there for me no matter how crazy life gets.
When it happened it was a 30 minute rage and I could not escape. I was not alone, there were others there and some of the anger was aimed at them to but for some reason, I was the main target.
The first thing I did was message my person and let him know that should something ever happen to me, I wanted him to know how I felt, in my heart, about him. During this whole thing, he was my happy place. Just focus on how you feel about him. There always has to be that place. He is mine.
When the situation resolved itself, I went for a drive. I just so happened to put my camera in the car the night before. I could look for beauty amongst the ugly in life.
I noticed that pictures with dark tree branches and fog turned out to be the best. I totally get that. That is what I was feeling. The darkness that the rage outburst had brought into my existence and the fog represented my feel of not totally understand the why of it all.
After I got my mind somewhat settled, I went to help my mom with some things I told her I would help her with.
I gave her the watered down version. I don’t want her to worry herself into another stroke and she is amazing at worrying her about her family. Her response is maybe it is time for you to make a change.
My person asked me if I wanted to do lunch and talk about it. So, we did that. It was good for me to talk to him. As we talked, okay, as I talked and he listened and occasionally asked a question, I realized something…. the person was trying to ask for help. He knew where to come to get help but due to some ongoing issues, he wasn’t able to ask for help. It turned to rage which was he unleashed on us.
I am still not comfortable. Today, I finally cried about it. It was fear. I know that as of today, it could happen at any moment. I am on guard. I have a plan. I have shared my plan with those who need to know. Now, my bubble is not as secure as it once was.
I am just thankful for those people who when life is ummmm…less than comfortable are my soft place to land.