One Tab Closed….

Starting this one with no title. Not even sure how to tie all the loose ends rattling around in my brain together.

Should I write about the fear I am experiencing right now, the dealing with in less than a month, I am going to be 49, trying to go on a healthier diet, the upcoming things that are happening to fast for me to wrap my mind around it or do I combine all these things because, they do kind of go together.

I am struggling here.

Let’s just close the tabs one by one…

There is a snake in my house (the fear I am dealing with). I haven’t seen him. I have seen his coat. Two days ago, I walked into my house with a gallon of milk in one hand and several bag of stuff in the other. As I walked toward the refrigerator to put the milk into it, I saw a snake skin laying at the bottom of the refrigerator.

Somewhere along my hasty exit from the house, I lost my gallon of milk and the other stuff well it got thrown everywhere.

My cell phone was dead and I didn’t have a car charger. So, I drive at break neck speed to my nieces house. I run into her house and tell her husband to get on his boots and come on. His response, oh no not again.

My 6 year old little one was going to as well, she thought. She went and got her little aqua boots on and in her night gown she heads out the door. Of course, her mother promptly escorted her back into the house.

My nephew in law and I go back to my house.

He goes through the house. First stopping at the refrigerator and pulling the skin from underneath. He said he figured it was a 6 foot snake. Not sure if it was a black snake or a black racer.

I yelled okay, from the car port. I wasn’t going in.

He flipped over furniture, moved appliances, he never could find the snake. He said as big as this joker was, he still had to be in the house.

He told me to get some glue traps and moth balls.

So at the midnight hour, I was at a big box store getting the supplies I need.

I couldn’t make myself go into the house alone. This is a real fear. I have worked in a library before and been to snake programs. I have held a python. The difference is there was an expert there to make sure no one was injured. Now it is me and the snake alone, in my house. Ummmm….NO!!! So, I spend the night with my parents.

The next day I take my mom with me, just in case, you know for moral support and lay out mothballs and glue traps, don’t judge me for doing what I need to do. I respect them outside because I am in their space, when they come into my space, the rules change.

After seeing something under my bed that I don’t remember seeing before, I go out and get some rock and proceed to stone…… a flip flop. It sucks to be so scared in your own home.

I went into the house looking all around. Looking at walls, into light fixtures. Each step was taken carefully. I put everything back into place that had been moved the night before, moving everything so very carefully.

My stress level was through the roof. My mom just stood there. At one point she asked me what I was going to do if I woke up and he was in the bed with me, I jokingly said, Mama I would never sleep with him, I don’t even know his people. She did not find it as funny as I did.

  After I finished my trek through the house, I grabbed some clothes, just in case and we left.

We went and grabbed some lunch. I took her home and went back to my house to mow the yard. It is supposed to rain the next days I am off.  I didn’t go back into the house. Instead, I went for a drive. Alone. I thought how awful it is to be this afraid.

I drove and took some photos. I didn’t go exploring. I stayed in my car. I was safe. I needed to feel safe, even if I felt safe alone.

Today, I went into my house for a while. I, of course, looked around to see if he was still around. I looked every step I made the whole time I was inside the house. I packed my dinner, I dressed, I even fused some glass. I was in there for a good while. Will I sleep there when I get off work, probably not but at least I went back into the house. I will be honest. By the time I came out of my own house. My shoulders were as tense as they could be. I had a headache for two hours after I got to work, just from tension.

I know some of you won’t understand the paralyzing fear. That’s cool. I won’t judge what you are afraid of, it would be interesting to know what your fear are though so if you want to leave a comment, feel free.

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