In my last post, I wrote how my person believes in me. Today, I made it a point to thank him for that.
When I don’t believe in myself. He stands firmly behind me.
When I wanted to run yesterday when people were asking me to teach a class on the jewelry I make and giving me forms and cards and I wanted to bolt for the door. I knew he was right there. Standing there silently laughing at the discomfort I was feeling. It honestly made me feel better. Knowing that seeing me shrink from all the attention I was getting was giving him a good, silent inward chuckle.
I wanted to fall through the floor honestly. My introvert cringed. My extrovert tried to compensate rather poorly, I might add.
“Will you teach a class? Maybe
Will you? Maybe
I will get you some forms to fill out.”
“What do you make?
Jewelry. Here is some of what I do.
Why don’t I know you?
I don’t know.
What are you doing Saturday Night?
We are having a gala and I was hoping you would come and meet some of the other artist.
What she didn’t know is that I am a piddler. He is the true artist. He didn’t say a word and in my defensive mode, I couldn’t say much. I couldn’t think. Just respond appropriately. I felt like an idiot.
As I am leaving. I hear him say it is all happening so fast.
Apparently, he was saw the look on the woman’s face. I tried to be polite but I just wanted to bolt. I obviously did.
Things seem to come in waves. Fast and overwhelming. This is how my life goes. I have tried to explain that. I think he always thought it was me until he saw yesterday how it happens. Then I get the deer in the headlights look. My brain shuts down. Everything I know goes flying by the wayside. I just am in functioning mode at that point.
Don’t get me wrong. These are good things happening but yet, I am overwhelmed.
I told him today. I wanted to bolt out of there. I didn’t know what to say, to think, to do, when they were telling me to sign the receipt for my purchase, I said oh are you talking to me. When I said I wanted to run, his reply was… you pretty much did. I laughed but in my mind I was asking Did I really.
I will work through this part, I will overthink and over plan and everything will be fine. It is my process.
He has seen it many times.And thankfully, has stuck by me, each and every time.
It is much easier for me to believe in him than it is for me to believe in me.
I know he can do anything. He is amazing. He is so smart and so genuine. He doesn’t put on pretense to make a show. He is who he is and I so like that about him. He keeps me grounded when I go off on some wild tangent of why things aren’t going like I think they should. He is smart and funny. He is a true artist in every sense of the word. He gives me a reason to smile every day. He doesn’t realize that I thank God everyday that he came into my life.
He is someone I believe in. More than he could ever know.