I didn’t realize how long it has been since I have written. Sorry about that. I have just been trying to deal with life. A great deal has been going on and honestly, I haven’t been writing in my journal the way I should. I am beginning to feel it.
I have been battling with what I wrote about in my last post. Feeling not good enough.
I am seeing some things I don’t understand and I am not saying anything. I just don’t get it. I am working on my jewelry more and getting more of it out in the world. I am not seeing the results that I would like to see at this moment but I will so until then I work.
I have some friends who are helping me promote it. So, I promote it myself. I am not so good at promoting myself. That don’t be prideful thing.
I have had some fun along the way, don’t get me wrong. I have had some pretty cool things happen since I last wrote.
I have ridden in a helicopter. I have walked into a burning building. I have (hopefully) given someone one of their best birthdays ever and I stood under a waterfall (sort of) just for shits and giggles.
I might should go back and explain some of this.
I work for an agency who deals with many different types of emergencies. Sometime the helicopter lands and our local hospital. Recently, we were allowed to take flight with one of the crews. I was so excited. Remember, I am learning to fly with this blog. The only time before that I had ridden one, I was terrified to the point that I didn’t enjoy it. This time, I luxuriated in it. I took photos and video and I wanted to remember this with the awe it deserves.
Now walking to a burning building, I was a little more nervous about. I was facing one of my worst fears. Fire. There is a reason why I fear fire, my grandmothers neighbors died when their home burned down when I was a child. I don’t talk about it much.
So when I was invited to join a local fire department for a burn, I said yes. As the day grew nearer, it took more resolve on my part. I invited a guest to go along with me. They said no. I told those that mattered to me most what I would be doing and I set off on my way. Just in case something went wrong.
It was right comical to watch me put on the gear. It took the whole village dress the idiot. They kept saying it is your first time putting all this stuff on. One of the guys must have sensed that I was nervous because he asked me if I wanted him to go in with me. What a relief knowing that someone had my back when I felt very alone in a group of people. He was going to make sure I got out of this thing safely and more educated.
While inside the house, we had an visitor. A black snake. The guy who was there for me, told me to stand still, he would get the snake out. I learned that most firemen will run INTO a burning building and FROM a snake.
I learned about how gasses burned off, rollovers, how to turn off the beepers that go off if you don’t move enough inside the fire. I made human connections with people who hear me but never see me. These people appreciated my effort to understand them and what they do.
Then came the birthday day trip (let’s just say part one of the birthday trip) I say this because I am planning something else, I am keeping that one quite though. Haven’t mentioned it to a soul. Until now, I really can’t keep a secret. Part one, we enjoyed food, laughter, found a new place to explore and at one point I even took him by him arm for a second.
Yesterday, it was rainy and cold here. We went to look at how high the water ways were in the area and we wound up at a place where the water was rolling off the rocks in water like fashion. I got some great photos and while he had the camera, I was debating with one thought, I want to be standing in that water. I want to see what it feels to stand in a waterfall. Although, this was not an actual waterfall per se.
Now, the air temperature was cool. That water had to be really cold. I let him do his thing and I talked myself through it. I would need to take my jacket off, I was within running or a very swift walk to the car, I had another jacket in the car, I really wanted to do this. I told him I wanted him to take the photos but he would have to be quick because as soon as I did what I was going to do, I would need to go directly to the car. With those words, I stepped into the surge of water cascading down the rock face.
It was flipping cold, I haven’t see any of the pics but I am sure the look on my face is awful. I enjoyed every second of it as long as I could. I was soaked. I was cold and I was happy as a clam.
No, I don’t have a death wish. I am (to quote the Tim McGraw song) living like I am dying. Because I am, we all are. Every day we are getting closer to what is inevitably going to happen to us all.
So I am less than a month from 49 and I feel like a kid.