My spirit is unsettled right now. I am in flux. Not sure what is going on but I just feel ill at ease.
I am working on setting up a studio space in my home. To this end, I am having to purge a great deal of the “stuff” that is currently in the room.
Due to the way my brain works, organization is a struggle for me. My supplies are scattered through out my house, as are projects in various states. Nothing is getting completed. This may be part of what is gnawing at me. I need something concrete to focus on.
I have been living in the pintrest rabbit hole of what ifs and I could do that and not getting anything done. I just want to finish something. A lot of things. I need to focus on the tasks at hand.
I wanted to run today. I didn’t want to deal with it. My anxiety level was high. I thought about it and I didn’t really have anywhere to go so, I made myself take on a project.
It sounds simple enough. I was going to make a color board of the acrylic paints I have. The kind that comes in bottles for crafting tasks.
I made a plan. I made my list. I set to work on the task at hand.
I got a canvas and marked it off in a grid with a marker. I sorted my paints by color groupings (blues, pinks, greens, purples, yellows, browns, oranges and reds). As I collected the colors for each group, I took another marker and wrote the color on the top of the bottle, this was to make it easier when I wanted to pull paints later.
After the tops were marked, I carried them into another room and wrote the color on the canvas and just made a brush stroke of color. Just enough that it would be obvious what the color was. Then I wrote the name of the color underneath in marker.
There were some that when shaking them, I knew they had gone bad and those went into the trash.
There were others that sounded okay but once I looked inside they had gone bad. Put an X through that block on the board.
Now this may not sound like much of a daunting task until I tell you that there were over 200 bottles of paint and I handled each and every one in an organized manner.
I worked for about 3 hours on this project. Reminding myself that I needed to FINISH. I am a finisher. This state that my space is in right now is just a result of the mental state I am in. I need to redirect my focus.
I feel good that I got it done but the physical feeling I have is odd. I am exhausted. It is not that it was a difficult task physically. It wasn’t. It was keeping myself focused on what I was doing at the present moment. Not letting my focus wander off. It wanted to, believe me. I would have rather been doing many other things. I didn’t get in this place overnight and I am not going to get out of it overnight.
One task at a time. Before I know it, all will be ready and then the real work can begin again.