My senses have been ultra sensitive today.
I slept and when I woke up, I was hoping to have plans. I did.
I had plenty of time to put my make up on so I took my time and I enjoyed it. Usually, I am applying as I am getting dressed and grabbing the car keys with one foot out the door. I don’t take time to enjoy things.
Today, I luxuriated in doing so. I first applied my foundation. I felt the “egg” glide over my skin and watched it even everything out. The canvas has been prepared. Next the pressed powder went on. I felt the brush glide across my nose, cheekbones and my forehead. It felt so soft that I almost wondered what it would feel like on other parts of my body.
Flushed from my thoughts, I never even applied the blush that should have came next. I would let the blush of my thoughts do what it is supposed to do.
Then I felt the tickle of the eyeliner on my upper and lower lids as I applied it. They eye shadow came next. Nothing too harsh. Just enough color.
Last I applied the lipstick. I watched as I rubbed it across my bottom lip and how the flesh of the lip shifted as I applied the dark burgundy color. Then I added it to the top lip. I closed my lips together and rubbed the lip rouge in evenly and thoroughly.
In the mirror, I saw a reflection of someone who was feeling more than she ever admits. A woman who has set her feelings for this man on the back burner for way too long because she is afraid of what would happened if she succumbed to her desire. I wanted to come home with my lipstick ruined and my hair messed up from where he had buried his fingers in it, pulling me closer because he couldn’t get enough.
I slid a pair of my favorite jeans over my lace undergarment and over my ample hips and a sweater that made the most of the curves I have. Some might have said it was too tight, it was comfortable.
I styled my hair just so and I put on my cowboy boots. They always give me that little air of confidence.
We were going to look at the moon. It was something I had hinted many times I had wanted to do and due to the fact that it was supposed to be an eclipse, it was the perfect time to go.
We went to dinner first and as soon as I saw him, those feelings I was having intensified. He hadn’t even gotten in the car and I was having to compose myself. I usually have to but not to this degree.
We went to dinner and we had nice conversation. I couldn’t look at him, I knew that if I looked him in the eyes, I would lose all control I was able to maintain. I know at times I sounded like a babbling idiot. I was trying to stay focused. I was having trouble eating the main course. I did okay with the chips and salsa but I was looking at him as he was explaining something and the butterflies went into overdrive.
We talked of projects and the moon we were going to look at.
After dinner, I went and reapplied the lipstick hoping this would be that night.
We went and watched the moon for a while. We talked about the vastness of the universe and how tiny we are in the big scheme of things. We think we saw the eclipse but it wasn’t the fantastic show you think of when you think about an eclipse.
I was laid back in my seat and I kept telling him that the moon was beautiful and how content I was. I was in paradise. I was here with the man of my dreams. In a beautiful place with that moon shining down on us and I wanted to climb him like a monkey climbing a banana tree. Sorry, maybe that was too graphic.
I didn’t but I wanted to.
Once I looked at him sitting beside me the moon shining on his face and instantly, I felt a reaction. I managed to keep my hands to myself. Dang it!
I have never felt such a rush of excitement in my life. Not even in my married life, if I am being honest. I wanted to be his and him to be mine. Right there. Right then.
Just as I was about to reach for his hand, he said we should probably start home. My burgundy lips said yes. My heart scream NO!
I am not faulting him. I never said anything. I kept my poker face. I never let my guard down, I never made an attempt. I fault myself. I missed my chance. Dang it!
I came home and started kneading some clay that he had given me and I wondered what our touch would feel like on each others skin.
When sleep finally came. I dreamed of us. When I woke up, the feel of the sheets on my skin made me realize that all my senses were still on high. There was definitely a physical reaction to what I was allowing to happen in my mind that I would not act upon in my waking life.
I am going to blame it on the moon, but I know it was just me. Please don’t ever let this feeling go away.