I have written one post tonight and deleted it.
I slept today but I didn’t rest. I had too much on my mind.
Family troubles, isolation, wondering if I am doing what I am supposed to be doing in my life.
Yesterday I worked in my “studio” aka the extra bedroom. I am trying to get my space uncluttered. I would like all my art supplies to be organized and easy to access.
I would like my living space to be my living space again.
While I work, I think, I over think. It is what I do.
I worry over things that should not be worried about.
I wonder if I have wandered from what I should be doing with my life.
I have to wonder if I make a difference to anyone.
I don’t feel like I do some days. What is my calling? What am I supposed to be doing with my life. I don’t want to be the average. I have settled for average most of my life. Doing just enough to get by. In school, I knew the material but I just needed a passing grade. That was all the effort I gave it.
When my life called that I gave all my effort, I gave it freely. I would again.
When I had to start over, I did it, not well, but I did.
I want to be something special to someone. I don’t want to be average anymore.
I want to be the reason someone wakes up and smiles simply because I am in their life. I want someone to be afraid that I may not be here tomorrow. I know how that feels.It meant that I love them. I want them to see the value of a tender heart and a strong mind. I would like for them to think I am beautiful but I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You can’t make someone see you as beautiful.
Dare to show someone your heart and your smarts. Dare to show someone how much they mean to you. Dare to be different. The world has enough copies. Reach down deep inside and be an original.