So the other day, I got a photography book. It is how to see the world through new eyes.
The first exercise was to photograph yourself. Now, selfies are taking pictures of yourself in a moment in time or a cool setting. Most of them usually wind up on social media. We all do it. I will tell you flat out that I do it.
Taking photographs, staged, planned photographs that was not so comfortable for me. I did it with shaking hands but I did it. They were some of the most intimate photos I have every taken. Not dirty pictures at all. None of my unmentionable parts were exposed.
I am talking about artistic photographs and seeing into myself. Looking deep inside me to see some things.
As a fan of steampunk, I do own some attire that I do not wear on a daily basis so I used that as my props.
It was difficult to see a woman who wears uniforms and lives in jeans to crawl around on the ground to see herself as a sensual being; but I tried.
I took photos of my feet and my hands. Only one had my face in it, which was masked. I think the most skin that could be considered questionable was my thigh.
I only shared these images with one person. To have them look at them as someone who knows more than I do and well, never mind….
It took an enormous amount of courage to let my defenses down and put myself in this position but I did.
It took me a full day to build up the courage to share them with anyone. I do not see myself as desirable but for a few moments I thought well maybe it is possible.
I have gone back looking at the photos to see if it was anything I would consider out of order or risque. I say this because of the way I was brought up, you don’t flaunt yourself. You don’t ever make the first move on a guy ever. You should be modest and I am not disagreeing with that in the least but if I can’t see my positives, how can I ever expect anyone else to see them. It is kind of hard to flaunt it if you don’t see it. I can see the beauty in others but never in myself. Maybe it is time to put that inner critic in her place.
The first exercise, although uncomfortable, has been done. Then sharing them with him, honestly I felt nauseous. I was worried what he would think of me.
I did see myself in a new way. This is what it was designed to do. I saw me through new eyes.
I can be the lady that wears nice fashions, I can be the employee that wears uniforms, I can be the photographer that crawls under bushes and embraces nature, yet somewhere deep inside me, there is that woman who wants to be looked at as desirable and playful.
I don’t think that is so wrong.