Thoughts and Questions…No Answers…

Today, I went walking. I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to do anything. I spent the bulk of my day in bed. I would wake up think about it (facing the world) and go right back to sleep.

I am questioning myself about a lot of things. I tossed and turned and slept and still couldn’t come up with a single answer to any of the million questions and thoughts swirling in my head. It was one of those times I could have really used a listening ear but not wanting to be a bother, I just slept.

Everybody I knew was busy or didn’t need me laying my crazy thoughts at their door.

So, I went for a walk. No one around, just me and my music. I allowed myself to get lost in the music I was using to try and drown out my thoughts.

I have lived in my small town all my life. My roots run deep in this little spot in the road that even if I named it, you wouldn’t know where we are.  I didn’t get the itch to leave home when I got out high school. I worked in a factory, I got married, I changed jobs and worked, I became a widow, I fell in love again, I choked on that job and I changed careers for only the third time in my 48 years.

I have never traveled far from my own back yard. I am pushing 50 and I have never really seen anywhere but here.

I would love to be able to do what I want to do and be able to travel with it , keeping this as home base. This will always be home.

I have a dream that my person and I could do something together and travel together. A team working together for a common goal.

As I walked today, I thought about how amazing that would be.

After my walk, I laid down on my bed and in silence waited for my mom to call me and  I donned my uniform to come to work for the night.

It was a nice little day dream, now to figure out how to make it a reality.


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