Yesterday, I went for a walk by the pond. I had woken up about mid day and gotten some stuff done. I started weeding out some of the books I don’t think I will read.
I set my timer for thirty minutes and weeded out a whole milk crate of books. Can you tell I used to be a librarian.
This was just the first purge. All the while, my mind was churning.
Suddenly, I knew I needed to go to the pond. I got ready for work, sent my person a message letting him know where I would be and went to the pond.
As I was driving out the song King of the World by Natalie Grant came on the radio. I found myself crying. When I got to the pond, it was foggy.
As I walked along, the anxiety continued to get worse. Then I remembered to use my senses. It was something I had read. When having an anxiety, use those senses you have been given to ground yourself.
I listened to the sound of the running water. I smelled the fresh air filling my nostrils and felt it go into my lungs. I felt the bark of the oak tree, the needles of the pine tree. All these things were real. The anxiety I was feeling, that wasn’t real. That was my mind playing tricks on me. I also prayed, out loud, crying out.
I came back to a place where I was comfortable and continued to walk. Suddenly I realized that I was not enduring this walk anymore, I was embracing it. I was enjoying this foggy walk. I reached into my pocket and pulled my hat on that a friend who had taught herself to knit had given me. It was one of the first ones she had made and she was so excited to show it to me. When I told her what a good job she had done, she gave it to me.
I looked at the fog, I took some photos, I listened to the water. I saw the beauty in the scene around me.
I came back to center.
Tonight, I was listening to a clip on facebook and the preacher was talking about fog, here was his take on F.O.G. (Favor of God).
I tend to agree with that.