Just Trying To Figure Some Things Out…

I am in stealth mode. Over the past few days, I have been made to feel invisible by some people doing things that hurt so I went into stealth mode.

I don’t need to be made to feel like an after thought. I don’t need my place in life ridiculed. So I have chosen to spend my time alone.

I know that sounds mean and I don’t intend it to be that way.

It is just a protective barrier I use, a wall. If you don’t understand where I am that is fine. I have been chosen to walk this journey. You have never walked a mile in my flip flops but don’t laugh it off or make me feel bad because of it.

I haven’t spoken to anyone about it and I don’t intend to.

I will just do my thing. I will work in silence and allow myself the freedom to be who I am. That is the good thing about being invisible, not many people care.

I am at the place in my life where I can look at myself in the mirror and say you don’t look half bad for a not 20 something or a not 30 something, closer to a 50 something. I am taking great strides in becoming better than I used to be and that is the only person I am in competition with. Believe me, it is hard to look at yourself in the mirror when you are lifting weights, you are hot, tired and sweaty and you have to look at yourself in a full length mirror and still the voice in your head that asks you why you are even doing this.

It has taken me a lifetime to get to this place. I have to be okay with the fact that some people don’t understand it and that some that share my same bloodline are jealous of what they think of as my freedom. Just don’t try to make me feel bad about it because you can’t take your masks off.

So I will continue to fly under the radar, I will do my thing and for right now I will exist until I somehow magically become visible again.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s