If Only He Knew….

Today, I was sitting in a coffee shop with my person.

I was there when he arrived and we were hoping to meet the group of creatives that we meet with from time to time so we could establish a regular meeting time.

I saw him come in with his laid back style. He was wearing a black t-shirt and his shades. For a moment, I forgot to breathe. Focus….speak…and go!!! The thing about when he wears his shades, I can’t see his eyes; which can be good or bad.

When I see his eyes, I can tell when he is thinking about something. He, of course, is always thinking about something. When he has them off, I go all stupid. He has the most amazing eyes, they were the first thing I noticed about him and full disclosure, I was married at the time. So, that is one of those things.

Today when I saw him and I hadn’t seen in a couple of days but ohhhhh boy….

I looked at him sitting in the chair across the way and every nerve ending in my body sprang to full attention.

My brain was screaming don’t let anybody see what you are feeling. Talk about anything or everything but what you are feeling.

Sit with your arms folded across your chest, just so the evidence is not visible.

Study the flower in front of you. Don’t let him see the fact that you are in this shape.

If he knew what was going on inside me, first, he would have probably laughed at me. Secondly….well I don’t know.

I don’t know why I can’t just let him know what he does to me, I would consider it a compliment if he told me that I had the same effect on him. I guess it because I see no possible way that he could be interested in me. It is fear of rejection.  I know what it is.

I wish I could just look at him and tell him how amazing he is in every  possible way, that I find him attractive in so many ways but I spit and I sputter and I squirm and I keep silent.

Maybe someday…..

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