In my job, I have a long week and a short week.
They short week you live. The long week you survive.
You eat, sleep and work.
This week may not have been the best week to make changes in my diet and exercise but I needed (in my mind) to begin now.
I have managed to get more than my 10,000 steps every day. I go and walk every morning after I end my shift.
The diet has gone pretty well. I have had some artificial sweetener withdrawal but it hasn’t been terrible.
I have rested better. However, the long week does get pretty tough in one way; I spend way too much time alone.
Everyone in my world lives day time hours. When I am awake, they are sleeping. Likewise when they are awake I am sleeping.
I work alone, eat alone, sleep alone, wake alone and walk alone. I know people don’t want to “bother me” when it is my long week. This is when I must be careful. Alone can be detrimental to me. I could get bogged down real easy.
I did today. I woke up and there was a song playing on the jukebox in my brain. It was not a song I have heard in a while. Don’t know where it came from but I wasn’t able to shake it.
As I prepared for work, I felt down, for lack of a better way of putting it. Wasn’t really sad just down.
I went once again and sat in a restaurant, had my meal and suddenly the tears began to roll down my cheeks. I wasn’t sure why. I still don’t know why. I sat in this corner and I cried so much that I just dropped my head for fear someone would ask me what was wrong and I would have felt stupid saying I don’t know.
I managed to get my dinner eaten and I went to finish my walking for the day. As I made my second round of walking to get my steps in, I cried. Luckily, the guy who was running around the park was going so fast he didn’t notice the lady with the red nose walking with her head down.
I still don’t know what is eating at me. I have a pretty good idea. It’s not that I can change it. It just has to be what it is. Life is messy, life is confusing, it is a roller coaster ride of ups and downs, right now, it is just a down.
It feels like a plummet from the moon to Terra firma. It will be fine, it always is.