I tend to allow myself to feel unnecessary some times. I don’t say anything about it, I just make changes. I can’t allow myself to wallow in negative. Last night, I spent two hours chasing a lightening storm because I could. In the late night and early morning hours, I was totally alone, chasing lightening. No camera, no phone, just me and the storm raging around me. It was great!!!
I have been quietly listening to what is being said or not said as the case may be. I notice everything, I just may not react to it at the time. I suffer a great deal of stings that no one ever knows about. I just suck it up.
I am the person who reminds people on social media sites that they are beautiful because I am never told I am beautiful and I want other to know that they are even when they doubts themselves.
I am making changes.
Just when I am ready to throw up my hands and quit I get a text from Barbie, an invite to dinner from a friend, a friend who is struggling with their marriage asked me if they could talk to me, a person thinking about starting a new business venture asked my advice, a request to add some of my photography to a display at the local museum. I figure out what I need to do to make myself feel better and hopefully look better in the long run. I gotta take care of myself; body, mind and spirit.
Maybe I am more necessary than I thought.
I haven’t said anything to anyone about it but I have had a couple of bouts with chest pains. Both of them have happened at work. I was just sitting there and boom.
I had to rethink how I am living my life. I need to make some changes and I am making them. I need to drop about 50 pounds to be at the weight I would be comfortable (in my mind). So I am making changes.
They guys I work with are good trainers when it comes to lifting weights. These guys are buff and work out for their own safety. I need more cardio though so walking is my exercise of choice, I am even adding a couple of short sprints into my work out.
I know I have to make better choices when it comes to what I am putting in me. I need fuel but the right kind. It is easy at 3 in the morning when the guys (who burns calories much quicker than I do) asked if I want something from the vending machine and I say a honey bun will be good with my coffee.
It adds up on your buns after a while. NO MORE EXCUSES!! I am tired of excuses.
I have to be happy in the skin I am in sure, but if I can help it out just a bit by making chances for my physical, mental and emotional health. I am in in to win it or at least make a pretty corpse.
And just as a nice surprise, Barbie just texted me back, we are going to have a girls day soon.