I have spent a whole days time trying to figure out how to write this post.
I have driven miles from home. I have talked to my person. I have plundered through my own brain.
I come from a culture that is fear driven. They teach you that change is something to be feared. My person who has lived in a much different culture for many years, thinks it is archaic thinking and he is right.
They tell you if you are not at the head of the pack, there will be someone there to take your place and you will never be missed.
So, I allowed what has been instilled in me to come to the forefront of my thoughts with my jewelry business. It is not doing as well as I had hoped. It has only been a week but a patient person I am not.
So I got into my own head. I wallowed in it. I ran into someone who reminded me of that fear based culture and I ran away from home.
Nobody knew where I went. I didn’t really know where I was going until I got there.
I just took off for a ride and turned when the little voice in my head told me to turn.
What I found when I turned was something I had been looking for for a while. It is a mansion that has been turned into an art gallery. I got there after closing but I enjoyed the beauty of the architecture. It is very Gatsbyesque.
As I stood there, I wonder what kind of parties were held there. These were people of means and there was nothing they wanted for.
I walked on the front porch and wondered what it would be like to walk out onto the porch with a cup of coffee and see that view every morning.
For a moment, I was in awe of what I was seeing. I loved how the doors came out on the porches. I love these old homes.
I thought about what had gotten me in the place where I was at that moment.
It was that performance based, fear of failure thinking.
Maybe, it was because of where I was but I thought about the Titanic. These people would have been amongst the first class passengers if (and they were NOT) they had been on that fateful trip.
It suddenly occurred to me that it wasn’t the iceberg that sank the Titanic, it was the water.
I compared the water to the fear, the negative thoughts that swirl in my head, the things I do to myself. The fact that I let something that is fun turn into something that worry overtook. Totally my own fault.
My bulkheads were not secure and I let it seep into my being. I know it will be what it will be. It is my job to control my attitude towards it. It is fun!!! It will be successful!! It will grow, if given time.
Had the iceberg not punctured the hole in the Titanic, the water would have stayed without.
If there had not been an iceberg in my own life, things would have gone on just as they always had, I would not have taken this chance. It is now up to me what I do with this chance. I have to secure my bulkheads.
I am thankful to have someone who will listen to me when I need to talk these things through and I am there to listen when they want to talk. Sometimes, you just need that lifeboat or life jacket when you feel like you are drowning in your own thoughts.
Now to get back to fun!!!