If You Had Told Me Then…

It is coming up on five years since I started chapter 2 of my life.

Five years, it really doesn’t seem like that long in some ways but in other ways it seems much longer.

I was thinking about a great number of things yesterday. I was thinking about how I had changed over the course of said time.

It started with me thinking about my jewelry business and how I am somewhat overwhelmed at the moment. I have a great deal to do. I am working it down bit by bit but I still feel like I am running behind. I always do though, that is not a new feeling to me. I feel like I am going to be in over my head, that I am going to be either really disappointed in the outcome or that I will be overtaken with the success of it.

I am really not sure how it will turn out. So I did what I always do, I prayed. I tend to worry about things that I have no control over. It does me no good but it gives me something to do. After I finished praying, I decided to take a different approach. I decided to go for a walk. I do that a lot.

As I was walking, I thought about the things that had changed over the past five years.

I never would have thought that I would or could love again. I do love again. Very much I do love. I look at this man who takes my breath away every single time I look at him. When I see him walking my way, I have to remind myself to breathe and I still get butterflies in my stomach upon each thought of him, yet I can’t look him in the eye and tell him.

I want to tell him how I think he is so smart, talented, creative and funny he is but I just stumble and fumble with my words and I am sure  leave him dazzled by my clumsiness.

If only he knew what ran through my mind when I look at him, talk to him, share my life with him….but he doesn’t cause I am stupid and afraid to tell him.

If you had told me that I would walk out of one career and into another at the ripe old age of 47, I would have told you that you are nuts. I was happy in my job until I wasn’t. I was pretty miserable and I thought there was no way out. Little did I know that a door was opening for me that I didn’t even see coming.

It was huge for me to leave a job that had a lot going for it but the negative vibes I got, far out weighed the good I was trying to do. Now, I work with people who accept me as I am, don’t try to change me and accepted me with open arms. It changed my entire outlook on life and I have to laugh that people tell me how much more relaxed I look, in what should be a more stressful job.

If you had told me that I would be pouring out my heart on the web in this blog, and that anyone would read it, I would have given you a hearty laugh. Nothing I could say would matter to anyone, I remember saying that to my person when we were talking about me starting it, yet people in 21 countries have read at least one post in the last 3 years. In that I am humbled.

If you would have told me that I would be starting a business and not just one but two, I would have thought you completely bonkers. I have never been of that mindset, yet here I am.

Five years ago, I thought my life was over. Plan A was to sit on the side of the road and die, luckily with a lot of love and a great deal of support. I am still here, not just surviving anymore, I am thriving.

As I was walking, I thought about the current state of affairs and suddenly it was as if someone said you are in this place at this time for a purpose. You have not been given the talents you have just to sit on them. Spread you wings, trust the wind to carry you where you are supposed to go.

At one point, I realized I was almost dancing as I walked. I felt the worry lift off me and from where I stood, the view was lovely.


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