I have had a long week. Had a lot on my mind. Haven’t really felt like making anything and looking at a self imposed deadline for taking my on-line store live.
There was only one person I wanted to talk to about it, he, however, has been unavailable.
He is the person who listens as I talk myself through my madness. I have the answer some times, I just need to verbalize it to him because he believes in me much more than I believe in myself.
I have mentioned my on-line store front several times in this blog. I knew I was getting closer to this deadline I had set for myself.
It seemed calm when I was writing it here but inside, there was the massive battle. It was made worse by the fact that I didn’t want to admit to myself why I have been feeling uneasy all week. I hadn’t made anything, I was secluding myself, I was sleeping just so time would pass and I wouldn’t have to think. I didn’t want to say what was bothering me, nor shall I.
So last night after my budget therapy, I laid in bed, not sleeping, and I was once again wrestling with this. I decided I have to meet my deadline or once again I fail me.
This morning when I woke up, I was going to do it. Then my mom called. She needed me to be her feet today. She is unable to get around like she once did and she asked me if I could come help her out. Sure, she took care of me many times when I needed it. She needs me now, I am there.
After doing the things she needed me to do, it was time.
I had spent part of the night getting my files and photos in order. As I sat down and started setting up the store, the battle between my ears continued to brew. I said nothing to anyone. I just sat and with trembling fingers, those things I had created in secret were coming to life in front of the world.
Would I be able to describe the items to make people want to own them? Not only am I sharing my thoughts with the world, now I am sharing what I create as well.
It is nerve wracking. So I did what I thought was best, I took a nap. I posted a few items, made it public to the world and I checked out.
Waking up 4 hours later, hungry as a horse, living in a town where nothing is open after 10 pm, I get into my car and drive into a massive thunderstorm in search of near by golden arches.
Yes, at 11:00 pm in the middle of a thunderstorm, I make a food run. Nobody knew I was gone. Nobody!!
My guardian angel was with me as I was driving through this torrential rain, telling myself I might should turn around. I did have food in the house.but I think it was the ride more than the food.
Yes she was with me, but I am sure she was popping a Xanax or two and shaking her head.