If you have followed this blog for any amount of time, you have heard me say that silence equals death. I hate it. I need it in short spurts but if left alone with my own thoughts too long, I suffer from self inflicted injuries.!
This morning, I went and saw my little one. I knew I needed to sleep tonight. I stayed and played too long until the weird thing that my heart does when I haven’t had enough sleep kicked in. At that point for my physical health, I came home and took a nap. Nobody knows that I have his murmur or gallop or whatever it is, I just tell people that I need to go home for a while. Once I have rested, it rectifies itself.
After my nap, I went to work taking photos and writing down product descriptions. I have a great deal of jewelry made and it is difficult for me to get everything ready. I wanted to have it all done before I launch but it is not looking good.
Being an ambiverted Gemini, I can’t be still even when I want to do so. I am for sure the squirrel girl.
I worked for a while and my focus began to waver. My shots were getting crappy and I couldn’t tell a bead from a skeleton key.
I needed to move. I went for a drive, thought about leaving town, knew where there was a couch I could crash on many miles away from here but didn’t have the heart to face interstate traffic.
I went to work out, I went for a walk nothing was helping. I went to get my only meal of the day and I decided I wanted to go bowling. I needed some more steps and I needed to release some energy that was invading me. I needed to still those voices telling me what an epic failure I am.
My little friend who works in the bowling alley knew I would not enjoy being in the middle of the flurry of other bowlers so he put me in a lane over by myself. Once again, I was alone.
I bowled 5 games, none of them good. It wasn’t about the score, it was about the movement of my body, a feeling of release and control at the same time.
By the time I got to the last game, I have a blister on my right thumb, I must have really been hurling that sucker. I finally switched to bowling with my left hand. The good news is that I suck bowling no matter what hand I bowl with.
Now, I will get back to work. Getting information entered, photos ready to post and hopefully at some point sleep, knowing deep in my soul that I did the very best I could this day.