The job that I have is stressful or boring. There is really no in between.
I some how know before I even get to work what kind of night it will be. I knew when I woke up this morning that it was going to be one of those stressful nights. I just felt drained. I tried to shake it off, feeling like it was just me, as things have been way out of balance for me as of late.
I came in and it began as soon as I walked in the door. I never say anything about this feeling I get before something horrible happens. I just feel it in my gut and don’t know how to explain it to someone who doesn’t get these feelings or vibes or whatever they are. Once it is in my gut, I feel it physically. I am tired, grouchy, my resting bitch face becomes even more evident. I am shorter and more direct. No beating around the bush on these days.
I had taken a nap for a couple hours before coming in. I usually don’t lay back down once I wake up but I just thought it was because I had woken earlier than usual. I felt drained, then my phone messed up and I let out a string of bad words and finally had to shut it down so it could correct itself. I had to apologize to my person cause I was not sure if he had heard me lose it over this piece of technology that is going to be the death of me.
I was not my jovial self when going to get something to eat before I came in. It was just food. I could have cared less what it was. As a foodie, this is not normal for me. I like food and I like to enjoy it. This could have been card board for all I cared.
As I sat here I could feel the tension inside me rising. I tried to distract myself, it wasn’t happening. I was talking to our newest employee. We were talking about personality types. He had made a comment and me being interested in the subject, we had a discussion. A 48 year old woman and a 23 year old man discussing personality types.
I have been looking at information on this topic for several years so I was close on his.
Just the way he looked at life, I knew pretty well what he would test. I used the same on-line test that I had taken in a class recently. Just to see if I was right. He was a good sport and took the test and agreed with its results.
Suddenly, the call came in, it was on of those I had been dreading.”HERE WE GO”, the phrase I always use when knowing this could be THAT call. The lull was gone and I was in full on mode again. Things I had been worrying about earlier, they had to be set aside. Others needed me to be present.
Rushing into action, I did what I needed to do. Then I waited. I made calls, I relayed information, I did my job. I couldn’t fix it. I did the best I could do.
I am finally beginning to realize that I do have intuition that lets me know when things are not in balance. That those feelings I get, well, the aren’t in my head. They are in my gut. I should not take them lightly.