I am the type of person who will bend over backward for those she cares about. I will give everything a hundred and ten percent. If you have earned my respect, I will try my hardest. I don’t mind, I enjoy it. It gives me a sense of purpose most of the time.
Sometimes though, you need to take some time and pamper your own self.
I didn’t have to wake up until 6 am but at 3, my eye popped open and I am as full of energy and excitement as I have been in several weeks.
I don’t know if it came through in my posts but I struggled with my birthday this year and thanks to my own insecurity, it didn’t disappoint. Saturday seemed more like my birthday than Sunday.
My gift to myself this year is a day of glamour. I am going to have my hair done, I am going to get my first ever facial, I am going to get a pedicure.
I am doin’ for me. If others like it, great. If not, I am the one who will have to live with purple highlights for a few weeks. I am by far not a fashionista. I am by far not a model. I am way past my twenties but I feel like I am just hitting my stride. I want what I feel on the inside to show on the outside.
I have to throw the what if out the window. Chuck those suckers into the fire and watch them burn. Wallowing in the pit of what if, your ass will drown.
I am going to do this, I am excited, I even have my journal packed to take with me so that I can chronicle what is happening to me at each step and how it is making me feel. I need to write things like this down, for only me. I need to remember how this day is making me feel. I am so excited that I changed my bed and sprayed my sheets with the most amazing linen spray, so that when the new me crawls into bed tonight, it will be so luxurious that she will feel like she is in Heaven. There is always something about nice clean sheets against your skin and this spray makes your olfactory sense spring to life and you just sink into a peaceful place almost as if resting on a cloud, (sorry, I wandered off there).
It is not selfish to take care of you once in a while. If it is a time of isolation, if it is a time to be with friends you don’t see as often as you would like, if it is taking that leap and asking that question you are afraid of, if it is a day of getting yourself pampered, take care of yourself.
Others may question your motives or try to make you feel bad, well shame on them.
Of course, when I am in a good (if not great) place, there are surely three people who will rear their heads and make me feel things I don’t want to feel. Since Monday, I have heard from all three. You stand strong, adjust your invisible crown and move forward.
Do for you. It is not selfish, it is self care, looking fabulous afterward, well that is just a bonus.