Some Times You Just Need Reassurance…

We all need reassurance from time to time, whether it be about our being loved, valued, being attractive to the person we are attracted to, about if the decisions we made were the right ones, this is what I want to address in this post.

I am an over thinker. My friends, my person, my family, they will all testify to that fact. It is sort of a running joke at this point.

A great deal of the time, I bottle things up until they somehow slip out and the pressure release valve opens and I start crying.

That happened to me tonight after a lovely day of hiking and a wonderful Indian dinner, one comment brought the water works. I was as surprised as he was. I apologized for it later and he was very kind about it.

I have switched jobs. I love my new job. I love the freedom I have, I love the fact that I don’t come home as stressed as I once did. I love the fact I can help people in a real way.  What I don’t love is that I don’t get to see my little people any more. I miss telling them stories.

Taking them on flights of fancy all around the world and bring them back safely to the place where we started. I miss the connection I had with them. I thought like them. I don’t have kids of my own so I never had to be the disciplinarian. I was the fun lady who told them funny stories, who sang songs with them, who did silly dances and made shakers out of water bottles.

Yes, indeed, I do miss these little people.

I know the sane and safe choice was for me to start a new chapter in my life but I hadn’t really taken time to close that exact part. I just never showed back up. I didn’t tell them goodbye and I love them.

So yesterday as I was unpacking some of my stuff from that job, I found the puppets and the books I had purchased for my use, I looked at the cow shaped  bag  I had carried my supplies in for years and I felt this sense of sadness that I had not addressed.

It may be time for me to readdress how to do what I want to do, in  a different way, on my terms, in my spare time for now. It is something for me to think about and over think about…..

After all, that is what I do.


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