Haven’t posted in a while. Been trying to adjust to my new work schedule and the fact that I have a life again and that I am happy.
As I am laying here at 2:17 a.m. I am smiling.
I am smiling because I am happy, I didn’t realized how stressed I was and how detrimental that was to my physical, mental and emotional health.
I am smiling because I am learning new things on my job, I don’t get things right all the time and when told about it, I correct it and it goes away. I have learned that a mistake doesn’t mean a life sentence.
My photography seems to be improving and I am making more jewelry than ever. I am able to use my time and my talents for my interest not those who tell me how to use them for them.
I actually feel like I can breathe again after a very long time.
I am smiling because of him. He has this way of making me smile at the oddest of times, we can be doing the simplest of things and I feel a smile spread across my face. He can make a joke and although I feel like I have a terrible laugh, I laugh for real.
I am smiling because it is okay not to always have a plan. It is perfectly okay for us to jump in the car and not know where we will end it. It is rather a nice adventure. Sharing little places and back roads that we know. It is about bonding, connecting and just fun. Do you ever just get in the car and say, I don’t know where we are going, but we are going somewhere. If you don’t, do it sometime and then open yourself up to the adventure that awaits you. It might be watching fish swim, up close and personal and realizing that to get from point a to point b the don’t struggle, they just glide or watching the sunset on the mountain and absorbing the colors as if you have never seen it before or will never see it again. Seeing the sun shine on a river and it looks like stars in the night sky. It is those every day miracles that we take for granted that bring us the greatest adventures and the most gratifying rewards. It is pretty simple when you think about it.
I smile because I have started a memory box, when we are on our adventures, I will pick up a little something and add it to the box, to just simply remember the day. It is just something like a rock, a shell, today’s addition, a small twig. Just a little something as a reminder of those moments we share.
I am smiling because I am pursuing new areas of interest and thinking about some very intense projects. I am researching something that stemmed from a single thought. I wonder where it ends up…….
After many long years, I don’t feel stressed. No nightmares (some weird dreams but not bad from time to time), no anxiety attacks, no wanting to hide from the world because I don’t feel worthy of being around people, no kidney stone attacks. Being happy is good for your health and honestly, I will say it, I feel like being happy makes you feel more attractive. People get to see that real smile, not the one you have to wear for the public, they get to see your eyes sparkle when you talk about something you love, the same way you get to see their eyes glimmer when they talk about their passions.
So as those around me sleep peacefully, as with most nights I am awake….and I smile.