Last night was slow at work. That is a good thing, if I am slow, everyone else is having a good night. I’ll take that.
I had recently purchased some sketching pencils and charcoal to play with a couple new mediums. As I was doodling, because I really can’t draw for a hoot, I wrote a word with the charcoal. Then I wrote it again and again then I wrote it in pencil and in ink. It was like I was clinging to this word and didn’t know why.
I won’t tell you what it is, it is just something I needed to remind myself I have because haven’t really been made to feel like I have it the last little while.
That’s okay, if I don’t offer it to myself, how can I honestly expect other to offer it to me. I hadn’t been thinking about it but in the relaxed state I was in, it somehow seeped out of my mind and then onto paper.
Things tend to do that with me. The just kinda creep up until they have to come out and they do in the oddest way, remember I was doodling.
Then as I realized that it had been eating at me and I was finally dealing with it, a lyric from a song by MercyMe followed behind that, I pulled up the YouTube video and I watched it.
I sat as tears rolled down my cheeks, I realized how much I had bottled up for the last little while, failure, loss, rejection, not being heard, not being seen. The song made me realize that no matter what has happened, it is small compared to the big picture.
It also made me realize that among all the bad, there has been a great deal of good. I have much to be thankful for.
It is okay to struggle even when you are in a “good place” because you can’t control others actions. You can only control your reaction to it.