You gotta have some time to relax and just do you…

I am a very social person….in some ways. In my circle which is small but tight, I can be myself. They are the people who get to see the real me. The me I try to keep hid from the rest of the world.

I enjoy being with these people. There is one I particularly enjoy being with. He is my person, I write about him a great deal simply because he is amazing. He is smart, creative, gorgeous (yeah, I am finally admitting it….he is gorgeous and I want to kiss his face…you can’t change facts), he is interesting, he makes me laugh and he allows me to be my goofy self. I am pretty goofy.

I overthink everything. I worry about everything. I can have fun when I let my guard down, I just don’t do that often.

Last week I was in class all week. I rode 2 hours each way with someone who slept all the way. I haven’t spent time with my person, my best friend or my family. I was suffering from social isolation. I work nights now and they are all day timers. So when I am working they are sleeping. When I am sleeping they are doing their thing.

This morning (afternoon for me) I woke up and this was bothering me. I was almost in tears second guessing if I had done the right thing. I know I have, there is no doubt whatsoever in my mind I did the right thing.

I had to get out of the house. I needed fresh air and sunshine. I needed to see things through the lens of my camera.So I put on some jeans, tee shirt and tennis shoes. No makeup, no doing the hair, just me as natural could be.

 What I desired was companionship. What I longed for was to spend time with him. What I wanted was to spend time. There is much to be said for spending time with someone who means so much to you. It heals your soul.

It is not something I take lightly. If someone is taking their valuable time spend it with me, I honest to God treasure that time.

Today was no exception. We went riding around and went to a pond I love to frequent. I love the sound of the running water. I love to watch the sun dance on the water. It makes me happy to be there. I love to explore and see what I can find. I enjoy seeing the artistry in nature. I love to feel the sun shine down on my skin.

I had the camera in my car from earlier in the day. I finally saw something I wanted to take a photo of. I went and got it then had to retrace my steps to find the vine that had caught my attention.

I take the image I wanted then I asked him if he wanted to play. His photography puts mine to shame. I handed over the camera and I lay down on a bed of moss. I wanted to bake in the sun. I needed to feel it on my face.

I was still in the same clothes I had on earlier. So down I went. I would look over at him and this smile would come across my face. I knew he was playing, I knew he was having fun. I was content. This was my sweet spot. Every time I would look at him, the smile would return and of course I would try to contain it for fear of getting caught. Luckily, my thoughts couldn’t be heard. Or maybe they should be heard, by him.

At one point I looked up and the sun had moved just slightly and left me in the shade. I looked around and didn’t see him. I got up and moved  to the sunshine.

There he was, was I surprised? Nah.

I laid down on a picnic table and continued to sun myself. I was so relaxed. After last week, this was wonderful.

Fresh air, sunshine and the one that you love. A pretty amazing day and the best part was, I was just doing me.  Wasn’t tripping over my words, wasn’t fumbling for things to say, no makeup, no fancy hair do. Looking at things through new eyes to see if I could discover something I had never seen before, I did.  I was just me. He is always just who he is. He teaches me new things all the time. He gives me gifts that money can’t buy.   Maybe he is teaching me more than I know.

At the end of the day, I took a selfie. No makeup, no posturing, just me.  You know what I saw….someone beautiful, someone happy, someone relaxed and someone who felt loved. Not bad for someone who worries about everything.

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