If Walls Could Talk…

I am making a complete career change. Sometimes for your own peace of mind and soul, change is required. In this case, it is overdue.

I am working my last week with my current employer. My cousin passing away got me to thinking, what if that were me, would I have regrets?? I promised myself no regrets in Chapter 2. I turned in my resignation two days after she died of a heart attack. Some people would say it was impulsive and a rash decision. It wasn’t. It had been going to happen. I just finally found my back bone.

 I have packed up any and all personal items bringing them home. Packing up 12 years of living is tough.

What do I have left to get me through the week??

Memories, many, many memories.

If these walls could talk, they would tell the story of a woman who was on paper, totally unqualified to do the job she had been hired to do. She grew into the job. With each thing she learned she grew more. She had to learn things the hard way, but she learned them.

They would tell of laughter. Lots of laughter during the children’s programs, makers meetings and among friends sharing inside jokes.

They would tell of personal growth as I faced many fears. They would tell of human connections and the ripples we all make in this thing called life.

They would tell of fears that were both founded and unfounded. Within these walls I could hear the ambulances go out and the fear that went through my heart as I frantically called my late husband to make sure he was okay.

They would talk of the many tears that were shed when grief began too early. When I realized that the inevitable would happen and it did. They would cry right along with the many tears I cried in those early days of Chapter 2.

They would shame me for feeling invisible and miserable when there was someone seeing me the whole time waiting to come to my rescue when I hit my rock bottom.

They would sing of gratitude for so many things including that one special person who would play such a magnificent part in my story.

. They would whisper of stolen glances across a crowed room hoping to see him, almost willing him to be there because I got such butterflies when he came in the door. Trying to look and not let him know I was looking at him. They would giggle when I got caught and I would drop my head for fear he would see in my eyes the feelings I was developing for him. Feelings I didn’t know what to do with at that time.

They would tell of the day that he strolled into my life and I literally pushed a co-worker out of the way so I could wait on him because there was just something about him that made me feel alive, in a way I really don’t think I had felt alive before. I saw it in his eyes and even made comment about it at the time.  I am not being disrespectful as I write this, it is just a different attraction.

They would rejoice when I realized that I had fallen love with that person I exchanged those glances and they would jump for joy on the day I realized that it was more than okay that I did.

They would swoon as the feelings I have just grow stronger with each passing day.

They would speak of friendships and photo sessions and they would dance to the beat of the Zumba music that echoed within it’s walls once again mixed with laughter.

It would herald that a family had been born from a group of people who had felt like they were lost and alone.

They would smirk at all the things that I have endured to get to this place.

They would mourn that I came to this place where I need  to change. They would ask me why I didn’t find my voice sooner, before I shattered. So here I am, this woman who is walking once again into another job that she is not qualified on paper to do.  I am standing on the threshold of a new adventure. Will I fly or will I fall?? This, I do not know; I do know that I must try. No, No, NO Regrets.

I leave energy in these walls as does everyone who has passed through this space. I just hope that the energy I leave behind is positive.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s