I heard a song by this title recently and I instantly thought about my person.
Every girl has three best friends in her lifetime. Her mom, her bestie (you know the one you can just let your hair down and be stupid with or who when when you are crying is skipping behind you with a baseball bat going somebody’s gonna get it) and then there is that person who carries your heart around in the palm of their hand. Your person, your significant other, whatever you want to call them.
This is the one I want to speak of….
After you have suffered a loss, you would think it would be hard to love again. In some ways it was for me. I had to get past the “I can’t have feelings for another person phase”. I remember when it hit me that oh yes you can and you do and that is okay. It was one of the longest nights of my life. I knew if I didn’t tell him I was going to lose my mind.
I remember how I took the most scenic route of my life trying to tell him. Oh My Gosh!!! I was a mess. It was awful. We were standing in a parking lot and by the time I got around to saying three little simple words….. I was crying, partially out of fear and partially out of relief that I had finally said it.
This is the first person you think of in the morning because (and don’t tell him this) you have the first picture taken of the two of you in a frame sitting beside your bed. He has no idea, you have never told him that his face is the first thing you want to look at when your eyes open in the morning. You laugh with him a lot. He will do things to make you laugh even though you think your laugh is terrible.
This is the man who helped you to realize that there are still good people in the world.
He is the one who keeps your secrets in his heart. You tell him your good and your bad and everything in between.
He is the person who makes you want to be a better person.
He is the person who encourages you to embrace your dreams and your fears for they both help you to grow.
He is the person who believes in you when you don’t believe in yourself and just knowing that he believes in you makes you feel like you can take on the world.
He is supportive when I have crazy ideas and he sees me far differently than I see myself. He gets to see who I am, who I really am. He knows all my crazy ideas, like that one thing I would like to own but am not yet quite brave enough, I have got the money saved for it but gotta get a little braver.
He is the person you want to hold you in his arms when you can’t take anymore. You just want to be near him and breathe him in.
I don’t know what would have happened had he have not strolled in where I worked one day and I literally pushed someone else out of the way so I could help him. I am not sure if he heard me or not and he has never said but as he was leaving I blurted out in my oh so subtle manner “Oh My God did you see his eyes??”.
I honestly think my soul recognized his at that very moment. I’ve never said that to him.
Because if you have followed this blog for long, I used to have a crush on him when I was in high school and by then he had already left the area.
He looks very different from his high school photo. Time has been very kind to him. Amazing even.
It is funny how long he has been “my ideal”. Longer than I care to admit.
Having lost one love from my life, a very different love, my biggest fear is losing him from my life.
That thought has recently cropped up again. I am pushing that thought to the back of my mind.
He is my best friend, he is my heart, he is the first person I want to see in the morning and the last person I want to tell me goodnight, he is my person and nothing compares to him.