So over the past four or so years, the logical part of my brain has been a part time employee. It was so over worked and under paid during the end of chapter one that it decided to take a sabbatical.
Not that logic doesn’t exist in my world. It does. It’s just the creative side has been the “full time” employee for a while.
It had been rested for so long, it came out fighting for it’s place in my life. With the encouragement of others, I am learning how to work with that side of my brain a little more logically. It doesn’t have to be either/or, it can be both.
Working on a project may require me sitting for hours with a bracelet blank placing different items in random fashion and staring at it for a while, seeing how it looks in photographs, studying it., instead of attaching the first thing I come across. It is as much looking and studying as it is doing. It is about thinking about what Jane Q. Public wants to wear around her neck or on her wrist not what I want to wear. My taste is not everyone else’s taste.
If I am making strictly for myself, I will go a little further. Take more chances. When I am making for others, I tend to play it safer. Not sure if that is the wisest choice but I have always erred to the side of caution.
Last night, as I sat trying different things. The logical side was tapping on the door going, don’t forget you need to pay this bill tomorrow. If you suggest that your mom change her medicine to this time, she might feel better. You should be cleaning house instead of sitting her looking at this.
The creative side was going what if you try this? There is something in your collection of stuff that might work. You should try that. Go into the living room and see what you can find.
Somewhere in the middle my brain was going. You are just tired. You should sleep. You have been trying to make everyone else’s life easier and you are exhausted.
I know that part to be true. I am trying to make the load easier for the rest of my family. I am the one who understands medical so I get tapped for the doctors appointments. There are two ostriches and two bulldogs in my family. Two who stick their head in the sand and hope it goes away and two who take it on (whatever it is) head on.
I have had one day of FUN in 3 weeks. The rest of the time has been dealing with what life hands me and seeking strength in those moments I could get out and take photos. That day was Sunday. I left my phone in the car and enjoyed the time I had with my person. My attention was on him and our time together. It had been far too long. I got to laugh and enjoy the company of a person who means so much to me. We even shared some amazing Peanut Butter Cheesecake. Moments like these are what life is about.
It did make me feel bad yesterday when my mom said, I am sorry this falls to you every time, talking about a doctors appointment. I tell her it is my pleasure to do what I can for her. Not that I want her to be sick. I don’t. I wish she was well again. I want to be there for my mom. She has always been there for me.
As we are sitting in her doctors appointment. She tells her doctor that I was bitten by a tick. Then she asks, “what does she need to do about it”. Her doctor said if it was in less than 24 hours, nothing. That was a relief for her.
That’s my mom though. She is more worried about me than herself.
So today, I work, with a bracelet blank still on my arm hoping that some inspiration will come to me as I look at the base piece. In my spare moments I run my hand across it. I want to feel it, maybe something will come to mind. As in life, you start with the base and you build. You switch gears and directions as you need to, but you keep moving, building and growing.