Tomorrow is when my mom goes to talk to the surgeon. The planned time of departure from home base is 11:00 AM.
I have tried to push it aside for the last few days and done pretty well. It is when I am alone and have time to think about it, that the tears start to flow.
It’s okay. It’s my mom. I am allowed to worry. I am allowed to cry but I didn’t want to do it in front of him.
When he told me that he hoped everything went well tomorrow, I didn’t say thank you because my voice would have cracked. I walked around the other side of the car and the tears began to flow.
What I wanted to say was would you hold me while I break down for a little bit. I am tired and I just need to feel safe for a while. I can think of no place I would rather be than in your arms right at this moment.
Instead, not wanting to show how badly I am hurting, I just sat in my car and I cried.
Hopefully, I didn’t hurt him in the process. I just couldn’t use my words.
I know everything will be fine. I just worry. I don’t want anyone to see but those who know me best hopefully will understand the pain behind my silence.