I battle “ifs” a lot. Yesterday, I was in the car too long by myself. The “ifs” began popping up.
“If I was smarter”…. “If I was more attractive”….”If I was skinnier”.
I did battle with them for an hour and a half down to a meeting and an hour and a half back.
It is hard to battle them for when you beat down one if another pops its head up and with an even louder voice tries to tell you that you are not good enough. And you have to battle that much harder.
There are many of the ifs, there is one of me. It is an uneven battle, it is an uphill battle, it is a battle that drives me to tears.
What if this happens or that happens?? What if you did this wrong or that wrong or what if you said the wrong thing???
I battle these all the time and sometimes, you get battle fatigue and the ifs are merciless.
You know that failure is possible, hell, it is probable and you try anyway.
You don’t let anyone know you are in this place for fear they would never understand. You are climbing high one minute and you run into the ifs and the put their foot on your head and stomp.
The battle will end, the ifs will still for a while, but you know they will be back.