Just An Unnamed Blog Post

I am beginning this post with no title. I’m not sure yet what to call it, because honestly, I am not sure where it will go.

I have a great deal on my mind. Some of it should be said, most of it probably shouldn’t but will manage to creep in anyway.

My usual process is to know what I am going to write about. title the post and begin typing.

I have no clue today. I am thinking about how life can weigh on you and one small act can send you into a blazing hissy fit.

I am thinking about how ludicrous some things are and how people can make mountains out of mole hills and if you don’t find the humor in it, it will bury you.

I am thinking about other things, personal things, things that I keep to myself. Simply because nobody needs to know them just yet.

I should be thinking about what I have to get done this day. I should be planning for my next project. I should be…

I am not though. Today, I am very much in my head.

I am thinking about how much I have grown as a person in the last while. How I have proven myself to others but I have proven myself to me and I can look back and say I am proud of what we and I include myself in this, this time, have managed to accomplish.

When someone believes in you, it is an amazing thing.

To believe in yourself, that is priceless. I struggle with that. I am not as confident as I would like to be. I work on that all the time. There is a difference in confidence and cockiness. I don’t want to the latter.

I know the sun doesn’t rise and set in me, but in this crazy fast paced world, I want to know that I can hold my own.

I want to be seen as beautiful and sexy without having to try. Some women can do that, when I try to flirt with him, well, I’m sure it is right comical to those watching. I want him to look at me and think I am fantastic,  just because of who I am.

It’s kind of funny, when there was someone telling me daily how beautiful I was, I couldn’t/wouldn’t/didn’t see it. Now I do and….

Maybe because I heard it so much, I didn’t believe it. I don’t know why I couldn’t see it then and I do now. I just don’t know.

I wear things that make me feel good. Although others never see them, I know they are there and they make me feel (I even hate to say this word) sexy.

I shouldn’t hate to use that word. I am 47 years old. I have lost and manged to keep off 135 pounds.  That has not been easy and it is a daily battle. I am aging  but I am not dead. I want to make his eyes spin around in his head when he sees me. I want him to wonder what I am like deep inside. The things I ponder on when I am alone. Those deep night time dreams that swirl around in my head.

These are just ramblings that I needed to get out of my head. We all have them, I am just dumb enough to post them where the world can read them. Maybe someone else is feeling the same way. Maybe this will help them.


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