An Investment In Me

Today, I made an investment in my self esteem. I go through times when I feel not so pretty and sometimes right down invisible. It has been one of those times.

It is not the first time I have felt this way. Probably won’t be the last.

I had gone with my best friend to do shopping for the restaurant. We turned it into a girls day. We went to the mall. She is usually more of a shopper when we go to the mall. I am more the shopper when we go to arts and crafts stores.

Normally, I don’t name names in my blog, but Torrid needs  shout out for being a store that caters to the needs of “larger” women, from top to bottom, and all those places in between.

A dress in the window caught my eye. Note to all retailers, you wanna catch a big girls attention, use a bigger mannequin.

The associate, Keshia, was very welcoming. It wasn’t like she didn’t want me in there because I’m not a size two.

She gladly showed me where the dress I wanted to try was. She got the size I asked for. I tried it on and didn’t really like it. Then I saw a white dress with black polka dots. I fell in love. I have wanted a polka dot dress forever, but wasn’t sure it was safe. When you are a “plus sized” and holding on to 29 for several years now, you tend to want to play it safe.

 I was trying to talk myself out of it. The longer I wore it, the prettier I felt.

I was particularly worried about the bootie area. My best friend assured me that it fit just fine. Keisha said that I should be proud of that part of my anatomy. She said Honey, people get injections and buy padding to get what nature gave you. She also said I love the way it hugs your curves and tapers at your waist.

I hadn’t really thought about that.

So, I bought the dress. I also bought a blouse that is a little edgier than I would usually buy. Then there some frilly things, those girly things. I felt so good that I asked if they had one particular clothing item that I have been interested in for a while.

I had never asked any retailer if they had one in stock. They did have some. The ones they had were not really my style, but it made me feel good that some designer thought enough of larger women to design for their curves.

I now know where to go back and check. She also told me they had different styles on line.

I spent way too much money. This is how I explained it to myself… I have worn hand-me-downs and things that my mom has bought for me while I was trying to see the light at the end of the car payment tunnel. I haven’t bought something for myself (clothing wise) in a very long time. And finally, in that moment, as I stood there looking into the store mirror, I didn’t see a fat woman, an ugly woman, an invisible woman. No,  here’s what I saw… a beautiful, curvy, woman. That was an investment in me.


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