Today is the last day of my 46th year.
It has been the worst birthday week in the past three years.
My mom is scheduled for a test in June so I am on edge about that. One evening this week, I called her repeatedly and she never answered. I went flying to her house to make sure she was okay. She apologized for scaring me. I had also that day handled some hefty criticism in the work place. I had to make a vote on a board that I was on that would effect the lives of some children who were being mistreated. I had a marathon schedule yesterday and today.
It really hasn’t been the best week ever.
It is what It is, I did however pretty much shut down to the world except for the usual suspects. I haven’t been on social media that much. I didn’t have anything to say.
I can’t put all this out there. I turn it inward. I mull over it. I rethink it, I second guess myself.
I did reach one of my goals. I lost 18 pounds in 20 days. I actually exceeded my goal.
The other goal, I crapped out on. I may have missed my chance to get this goal/wish fulfilled.
I guess I missed out on that on Monday night. It was the last night I saw him. That was the night I forgot to tell him good night. I started to and chickened out. I wimped out. I thought I might get to see him again before my birthday, while we could be alone I don’t see that happening now.
Tomorrow I will be a ripe old 47. Maybe there is some magical power that comes along with turning another year older, that will help me grow a back bone.