“She Has Such A Beautiful Face”

Today, I walked into a business. Once again there was someone there who didn’t recognize me. They asked me if my dad still ran the trout farm. My dad has never run a trout farm.

I, finally after trying to explain that they had me confused with someone else said, Just who do you think my daddy is? The man’s wife said “If (insert my late husbands name here) was with her, you would know exactly who she was. She is thinner now but she has always had a beautiful face. She used to be B-I-G”. Her voice got deeper and she dragged the word out.

What??? I did I fall through the looking glass where I am who my father is or who I was married to? Hello, it is 2015. I have a name. Had the first one all my life. The last one 22 years.

Why do you feel the need to discuss my weight issues and me standing there?  If it hadn’t been discussed in front of me, it would have been discussed behind my back.

As the, oddly personal at best, conversation continued. She asked me how I had lost all that weight? What had I done differently? What could I tell her to help her granddaughter who was 9 and over weight.

I couldn’t really say, tell her to have her world ripped out from under her and have her start all over. Not a good idea for a 9 year old.

So I told her some basics…. I do diet from time to time  ( I am currently on one right now) but I make lifestyle choices. I don’t say I can’t have anything. I eat what I want, I am just mindful of what I eat and how much.

If I feel like I am punishing myself, it won’t last. I do little things like drink water if I feel like I am hungry because sometimes when our bodies feel like they need food they are really craving water.

I get out side, I walk, I go into the woods and look around.

I stay busy and try to keep calm simply because I am a stress eater.

She said I am going to get my granddaughter out today and start walking. I said there is nothing that you can do except teach her what is good for her body. You can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to do.

She said you should get your niece to walk with you. She has a beautiful face. Subtext implied. Not responded to. I spent my whole life hearing statements like that.

It is no longer acceptable. I am not who my parents are, I am not who I was married  to, I am not the size of my body.

I am just me. I am trying to improve, for me. I fail daily but I try.


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