I have a lot on my mind. Right now, I have to be careful how I say things because they can be misinterpreted. So it is one of those times I need to be still.
My mom tells me this a great deal. Just be still. Wait. There is a plan for your life.
There are certain things I want to happen. Some are not totally up to me. Some don’t involve me directly. Some I am working on a plan and learning new things to make it happen.
There are things I want to say, not sure how to say them any plainer than I already have. When they seem to go unheard or unacknowledged. Then I worry. I fret. I over think.
I fall into this pit of “what have I done wrong”. Only to find out it is nothing.
I am trying to break this cycle, last night however the fear won out over the faith. The worry won over the peace. I spent a sleepless night tossing and turning.
I try to be a go with the flow kind of person, this is one of my short comings as a human being, I don’t always do that. No matter how much I want to be “chill”, certain things fill me with fear.
It is what it is. I can’t change who I am overnight. If I could, this would be one part I would change in a hot minute.
I know it goes back to my own insecurities. There is one question I ask my best friend all the time. She says she doesn’t see what I see. Sometimes, and I am not discounting what she says at all, but sometimes you need to hear the right thing from the right person.
I have so many things running through my mind, that I didn’t even know where to begin when I started typing. I guess this is how you write….just sit and do it. Spill your heart and your guts. Just write it. Reread it. Maybe it will help you understand you better.