Yesterday was a day of self care. I felt it coming. I tried to get enough rest to ward it off but alas, it came anyway.
Last week and this week were both very busy. I produced a play for the local theatre group. It was a two night mystery dinner theatre.
I took very good care of myself during rehearsals and production. I got enough sleep, I drank enough water, I ate proper meals until the two days of production. I thought this time I might actually avoid the emotional dip that would come.
Perhaps I might have avoided it if I hadn’t had other things going on in my family. I however tend to take on others pain. I am there to be a support but the negative attaches to me.
This is because I know what it is like to feel unimaginable pain and to need someone to lean on until you can learn how to stand.
I never got out of bed yesterday until mid-day. I had no where to be, so I let my mind relax and wander. I know where my mind and heart wander to when I have time to just daydream and the night before in my dreams. Let’s just say, my subconscious tends to be very imaginative. And the heart wants what the heart wants.
I went to my part time job and then I went to spend the night with a friend. She has three children so needless to say, it is very different from residing singularly.
It was noisy but wow it was fun. When I started to return to my home, I knew that the silence would once again be deafening. It always is.
So, I drove to the lodge. I sat there for a good while writing in my journal. I rehashed the last two weeks.
Being reminded from time to time that anyone could do what I do, I am nothing special. I dissected every little thing that I could have done better. I came off it knowing it was a win, but as I got more tired this week, the more I questioned myself. Nobody else is bothered by it. It is totally a me thing. It always happens. I just thought this time I took better care to avoid it.
The best way for me to describe it is a wave. Once everything is done, that needs to be done, then I come down with a crash. Now it is time to regroup, get up dust myself off and keep moving forward. Learn from it and do better next time.