We all have those days that we look forward to and dread. Today was one of those days where it was both.
The big project at work was going live and there had been glitches every step of the way and I had put every possible net I could under the trapeze we were swinging on. I had worried myself all week about it.
I had uploaded the data and still hadn’t received the go ahead to begin. Everyone else had, not us. After a very frantic 30 minutes, I looked at a co-worker and said, there had to be something wrong.
My niece and I joke that if we assume the worst, it is bound to get better. It is not so much a joke for me. I tend to do that. So, after sending multiple e-mails, I did the unthinkable. I picked up the phone and made a call. It was a mishap on the other end. A sentence that was left out. You can begin!! Three simple words.
Once we launched. Things were slightly bumpy but over all, it wasn’t terrible. Some of the nets had to be used. Others were there just in case the worst happened. They weren’t needed.
In addition to this, today would have been my husbands 55th birthday. He transitioned at the age of 51. I acknowledged the day for what it is. It is the person I loved in Chapter one of my life’s birthday. I have learned that if I acknowledge the day for what it is, then I control it (as much as one can), it does not control me.
Previously, I would have taken the day off work. I would have gone to visit a piece of granite with our names on it. I would have probably sat down on my side.
I went a few days ago. It is easier if I don’t go on holidays and special occasions. I go around that time. It is an adjustment. It works for me.
I thought about what a journey it has in over the almost four years. How I had to stumble through the darkness to find the light again. Believe me, there were some dark times.
We can’t always walk a path where the sun is shining and the road is paved Sometimes it is a winding road with lots of dark shadows that seem very scary at times. I learned a long time ago that shadows will scare the crap out of you sometimes but they can’t hurt you. I have also learned that on the other side of that shadow there is light.
I do have to say that over the past four years, I have been blessed. I have people who love and care for me. I have a family who lets me roam aimlessly through life, knowing that although I have wings, my roots run deep.
I have been lucky enough to be able to love again. That was something I never thought would happen. I am so very glad and thankful that it did. Some people just make the world a better place simply by being in it. I have been blessed to know two such men.
I have a best friend who picks up the phone and says, so how are you doing today? She has done it every morning for almost 4 years. You don’t find many friends like that.
It has been a day where I have been able to laugh where I once cried. I have been able to see the fruits of my labor. I have been in contact with those whom I love. You truly can’t ask for much more than that.