Sitting here alone with my thoughts, I look at things that have happened. I see the things I would like to happen. I think and ponder on who I am right at this moment.
Yesterday, I read books to small children and the struck chords with me. I read a book about how you are different on different days. I read a book about a little girl who was small, had bucked teeth but she believed in herself so much that others believed in her also. I read a book about a cat who didn’t sweat the little things in life.
I was reading these books to myself as much as I was to them.It’s kind of funny. The books I was drawn toward yesterday. It didn’t really strike me until this morning how much those children’s books applied to my own life.
I am not a fast learner. I don’t jump into things quickly. I stick my toe in the water. Okay, that was safe. Let’s walk in up to our ankle, still safe. Up to the knees and no piranha has started nibbling on me yet. Let’s go for it, try to swim.
Now, I know this is frustrating for anyone trying to teach me something. I need to learn to do it my way. Their way may not work for me but give me time and I will take off.
I do this with any project I am working on. One thing at a time, one step at a time. I know NOW that I am always not going to get it right the first time My person has told me that repeatedly. I am not going to get it right the first time or after the first several attempts. It is the fun I am having with it that matters,
I am currently doing some painting for a project for my little people. This morning I found myself doing a color study while painting egg cartons. I looked at how the colors differed when put on the foam cartons vs. the card board cartons. I noticed that when mixing colors, the foam took the paint better. The card board ones, not to be harsh, looked like vomit. Lesson learned.
The problem with being a slow starter, a person who thinks about everything they take in, is that people tend to think you are stupid and unteachable. Not the case. I learn new things every day. I am intelligent, I just don’t jump head first into the ocean, when I don’t know how to swim.
Show me that you believe in me and I will kill myself in an effort not to disappoint. Sadly, so many people have given up on me that I tend to expect it. Some of my own family doesn’t understand that I enjoy spending time alone. I can find things to amuse myself and learn something in the process.
Time is a valuable commodity. You can’t buy it. It is priceless. I spend time with the people I enjoy. My person, my best friend, my parents, my little people. I don’t go out and party. I love to laugh, be silly and talk about my fantasies….with the right person.
I was trying to learn something new last night, I stressed myself out. I told myself that I couldn’t do that. And I didn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t depending on how you want to look at it. When I told the person trying to teach me that I would like to try again. Their response was let’s try something easier.
I am of two minds here. Okay, I am beginner, maybe I waded out too far, too quickly. The other side of the coin is, fine, give up on me. I will add you to that list of people who have preceeded you. There have been many more who have given up on me, than those that have believed in me.
I need to believe in me. I may be slow to start but I am most certainly strong to finish.