Yesterday, I told you about my meltdown. Yesterday afternoon, I couldn’t look up for looking down.
I am a firm believer in feeling what you feel. I am quick to show excitement or happiness. I am less apt to let people know when I am feeling stressed or down. Maybe that is not the best for me to do. I tend to keep that part in. It is like a splinter. It starts to fester. I sit there and it irritates but it is not painful exactly, but you know it is there Then suddenly it festers up and it hurts and you have to get it out.
Yesterday was my day to get the splinter out.
I slept well last night for the first time in many nights. I had worked late organizing some of my images.
This morning I woke up and apparently I had slept so hard, I was addled. I left a piece of jewelry I ALWAYS wear laying on my bathroom sink because I laid it in a different place than I usually do. I usually lay it on the bed with my clothes, just before I get into the shower. This morning, I realized that I was about to step into the shower with it and laid it on the sink. I was lost all day without it for many times during the day, I will reach out and hold it or run my hand across it, just as a reminder that I mean something to someone and they mean something to me.
I was talking to my best friend on the phone and I told her I couldn’t find my phone. She said you are talking on it.
So the day wasn’t starting out the best. I looked at my desk and I made a decision. I can’t do everything. I can’t control what others do but I can control a space in am in 8 to 12 hours any given day. So, I started purging and filing.
This was the one thing at this moment that was in my control. I could make the space around me more ascetically pleasing and functional.
After that I felt much better. While in the middle of the this my friend, the Deacon came in. He like me, has suffered a loss. His was his child just a few months before I lost my late husband. I was the first one to his house. He came my house after everyone else had left.
We have kind of walked the same path differently. I told him about my meltdown. His first question was do you feel better? I said yes. He said you know what it is. I said what? He said stress. You worry too much. You try to fix everything for everyone else. He is right. I know it. He knows it. He speaks pretty plainly to me. I do to him. He, of course, has made it his mission in life to take on other people’s problems.
He saw it coming. All those people in my circle saw it coming. They had warned me that it was coming. Tried to get me to make changes before it came. I tried. It came anyway.
I had a successful day. I got stuff I needed to get done, accomplished. I, thanks to the help of my person’s skills and talents made progress on something I had been trying to learn for a while. I got to do my happy dance and I did it in front of him. Okay, maybe it was a mild form of my happy dance. When I am alone and have a success, all bets are off. I am gonna dance.
So, if you are in a rough spot right now, feel what you feel. Get it out of your system and get up. Like I told myself yesterday, straighten up your face. Get back on that horse that threw you off and go again. One day can make all the difference in the world.