A Blathering Idiot

Why is it when I see him, I turn into a blathering idiot? Today, I had made a major step (at least for me) on a project. I saw him after not seeing him for a while and I bombard this man I love with the tales of my exploits in coding. It’s a new thing in my world and I have had to jump over some mental hurdles to get to where I am.

Finally, I say, I have missed your face. That should have been the first thing I said but I was so excited. So excited that I had a dance party when success was reached. I told him I was glad he didn’t see that. Nobody wanted to see that.

Why is it that I go all stupid when I am around him. I have things to say to him and I am a capable adult. I speak to people all the time and it makes sense. Then I look at this man and I can barely make a sentence. The butterflies I feel in my stomach choke out my ability to make coherent conversation.

It is fantastic, until I come and and think Oh My Word, he must think you are so dumb. I think of all the things I wanted to and should have said and done.

I am 46 years old. I have lived though the death of a spouse. Yet, this feeling I get when he is around, it is marvelous. I feel like a young girl again. The young girl who is so intoxicated in a boys presence that she forgets what to say because she is so fascinated by this amazing person standing before her.

Maybe some day I will be able to do what I want to do and say what I want to say in a way he will believe me. Maybe some day I will ask him to dance with me. Maybe some day……..

But until that day comes, I will remain his ever faithful blathering idiot!!!


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