Playing with Fire

It has been a long week. A long, stressful week. Lots of projects going on at work. Asking for answers and getting none. Asking for help and getting none. Okay, fine, I’ll do it myself.

I’ll ask someone else the question you are avoiding. I will know where my part of the project stands so I will be able to answer people’s questions more accurately.

Being a “manufacturer” of kidney stones is an inherited trait from both sides of my family. So when I stress out, the rock pile lets me know. Today, I took the day off from the world. Didn’t post much on social media. The only people I have had contact with are the people I wanted to have contact with. My person, he’s the one who makes my heart smile and makes me laugh. I love his sense of humor.  My best friend, I was with her last night when one of the pains hit, so she knew what was going on. Of course my mom, her momdar went off. “My child is in pain”. I don’t know how she does this, not being a mom myself but she knows. First question out of her mouth was what’s wrong with you?

I have taken care of myself as I promised I would. I have rested, I have napped, I have drank enough water to sink a battleship. I have laid in my bed watching a Batman marathon. I have taken it easy. It is not easy for me to take it easy. I always feel like I need to be doing something.

I did get up for a while and played with matches. As a photographer, I like trying new things. I love to do abstract photography. I have recently played with a laser pointer and got a photo that kinda looks like a ribbon. Today, it was fire. So, I waited until my living room was dark. And I started striking matches.

Needless to say the smell is a little less than to be desired. I did however get to play and to practice for a while. I am now back in the bed. I am continuing to take care of me, for those I love. Self care is not selfish. I keep telling myself this. I am learning to see a pattern in how the way this is going, the question is how to break the cycle??? Think I’ll sleep on it, heck I am already in the bed.


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