Just A Couple More Things That I Discovered About Myself

Today was another good day. I got up this morning and lounged about. Edited a few photos and then went out to see what the day held. I got to see my person. We talked for a little while. We laughed, we talked about how Christmas day was. It was lovely. It made me happy. I hope it made him happy.  It was time we could be together and not be interrupted.  Sort of….

I told him about the photos I had been editing.  I told him that he knew me better than the people whose blood runs through my veins. He bought me the perfect Christmas gifts. I so enjoy the time we spend together. We all know that I am a fan of spending time with those you love. Time is a precious gift. Time, once it is used, you can’t get it back. He took part of his day to spend with me. I am so honored that he would take some of his time, that he values and spend it with me.

There is no one I would rather spend time with. I had agreed to go to lunch with my snarky little brother figure. I didn’t want to leave. Once again, I had to. So, I told him I would see him soon. It was really hard for me to leave him.

My friend and I went to lunch and we chit chatted. We talked about what was bothering him. He asked me questions, I gave him honest answers.

At one point, he asked me what I wanted to carry over into the New Year. My response was it is not what I want to take into, it is what I want to leave behind. Fear, self doubt , worry and insecurity. Just to go with the flow of life.  I don’t make New Years resolutions, I don’t believe in making a promise just to break it.  I explained to him that this year, I had been very happy during Christmas and I hadn’t felt guilty about being happy. He asked me why I had felt guilty before. I explained that I had finally become comfortable with the fact that I could love more than one person in my life. That there is a certain amount of guilt that goes along with being the one left behind. You feel like you are not supposed to be happy again. There are some who, feel like I should grieve forever.  I don’t. I feel like I should live life to the fullest. I am thankful that my heart feels love again.

As I drove home, I heard the song “God gave me you” by Blake Shelton. I thought of my person and how he makes my heart smile.

Spending time with my person, heavenly. Spending time with my brother figure, nice. Sitting here writing about my day wrapped in my fuzzy blanket, cozy. The smile on my face contented. I am a lucky girl.


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