Gifted Hands…..

I don’t have TV. I watch DVDs most of the time. I have times when I just drawn to a movie. For one week solid, early in chapter two of my life, I watched “Facing the Giants” 24 hours per day for a week solid. Even in my sleep that movie was going. I needed the message in that one that when you face your giants, they lose their power over you. You may face giants of fear, discouragement, and pain. You can also face those giants and they back down.

Recently, I have been questioning myself as to why I am here. We all ask that question from time to time. In chapter one, I knew. I was here to love beyond the depth of all understanding. To fulfill my marriage vows, to love and be loved in return.

I have made several attempts in chapter 2 to try to find “my destiny”. Is it to be important in the lives of children? Is it to be a photographer and share the story of those things that don’t have a voice to speak for themselves? Is it to be a storyteller and tell how you can overcome adversity no matter what?

I still don’t have an answer.

It doesn’t help that I ran into the father of someone from my long, long ago past who said that the person I dated before my late husband was (insert bad word here) stupid for letting a beautiful woman like me slip through their hands. My response was Sir, I can’t help your sons life choices, I however was blessed to have 18 and 1/2 years with a wonderful man who treated me much better than your son ever did. So for me, it was not a loss but a gain. His response. Yeah, he was stupid. Beautiful and smart.

That still doesn’t not give me an answer as to why am I here. We all have a destiny. We all have a reason and a purpose that God allowed us to set foot on this Earth.

I was home alone on Thanksgiving Day and I have tons of movies to choose from. One caught my eye….”Gifted Hands”. This movie is about Dr. Ben Carson. World acclaimed neurosurgeon. The first to separate conjoined twins that were connected at the head.

As I watched his story. He was bullied. He struggled to learn. He had a mother behind him who encouraged him to be the best person he could be. Even though she was battling her own demons. She struggle to give her sons a better life than she had.  She couldn’t read. She wanted to make sure that her sons were “smart”. So, she limited their TV time and upped their library visits. Now, working at a library I know the value of this move. Your library opens worlds to you. Libraries are your gateway to the world. With the resources we have today, it is limitless what you can learn at your library. They are places of community where people who once felt alone can share their passions.

As Ben read more, he discovered more. He would watch game shows and go to the library and check out books on the subject he was interested in. He would discover things and go to the library and check out books. This is what opened the door that would lead to his ultimate destiny. His mission in life.

He went through his share of hardships. His wife was expecting twins and lost them. Yet his destiny would be to give another set of twins a “normal” life.

In his childhood, once the door to learning was opened, he studied classical music and art. It was not just science. He studied life. In that moment, when he was trying to figure out how to pull off the feat that had never been done successfully before, all these things came back to him. All his experiences played into his thought process. Can you imagine the burden that this man carried?

It took at team of 50 (according to the movie) to pull this miracle off. They had to practice and rehearse over and over, planning for anything and everything that could go wrong. Oh, how worried and scared he must have been. I can’t imagine.

I worry about minuscule things compared to that. He didn’t know that as he was jumping hurdles in his life that they were all leading to that very moment. That he would be those hands that God would use.

What is my destiny?? I don’t know yet!! I am searching for it. I am trying hard to figure it all out. I rest in the knowledge that someone so much bigger than me is leading my path. We actually had a talk about that this afternoon, as I sat on my tombstone, contemplating my destiny. I looked at my name and date of birth. Some day there will be a dash and a date of death added to that stone. The dash is what is important. What we did while we were here. We don’t know when that day will come. The only thing we can do is fulfill our purpose whatever that may be, jumping those hurdles one by one.

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