I love those days when I get to just pull my hair back in a ponytail, no make up, t-shirt and jeans. I am not going to work. I have the day to do what I want to do. Nobody to look down their noses at me if I am not wearing the right thing. Not planning on seeing the one person I want to think I look nice, but I usually see him (my person) on those days. Yes today was one of those days.
I had not been feeling well the last couple of days and I was going to have some fun today, if it was the last thing I did. I got up, did what I needed to do around the house to calm that part of me down, suddenly there is a small whisper, today you catch the wind.
Catch the wind. Okay, sure, catch something that is invisible. No problem. So I get into my car and start driving. I am listening to the new songs that I purchased and thinking about my person, not really sure where I am going. I know the direction I was heading. I have driven it so many times, my car knows the way.
I drive to three locations that are so very familiar to me. I have been to these places many times. They are places where I enjoy solitude and have spent many hours thinking, praying, writing and photographing. These places are my friends. I know that may not make sense, they were the places that I went when I didn’t know where to go. They were there when I was invisible and wanted to crawl in a hole and die. They were there……
They were there for me again today so that I could catch the wind. As I began searching for how to accomplish this task, I began thinking about the wind. You can’t see it but you can see the effects of it. You can’t see a breeze as it blows by, but you can feel it caress your cheek softly or bite when it has a frosty chill to it.
Suddenly, the word “love” came to my mind. You can’t really see the emotion of love. You can see the effects of love. By the actions, deeds and words that are exchanged between two people. Those little looks that no one else sees, the look on your face when that special person walks into the room, the dreamy look in your eyes when you are driving down the road thinking about that person. You can see the effects. You can also feel in your heart when a person resides there. That feeling that you can trust them not to run when you share your fears, your doubts, your joys, your sorrow, your demons at times. You know that no matter what you tell them they will be by your side. When those tough times come, you will face that battle together. Side by side, hand in hand. You feel not only their love but their friendship. Yes, you can feel love, but just like the wind you can’t physically see IT.
As I attempted to catch this thing, this invisible breath of God, the wind, my mind was thinking about how I share this in this blog. How I make people understand what I am trying to say.
I got some photos and headed back to town. I was going to stop at a local retailer but it was lunch time and like I said, I really didn’t look my best. So I start home.
When whom should I see….my person. We talked with each other for a while, the whole time I am thinking, oh great, look at you. The nervous lip biting thing I do starts. I tell him about the assignment I have been given. He asked if I managed to do it. The only response I could give him was I think so, we will see. There was more conversation and I came home to see what I had collected before going to my part time job. I think I was successful.
Like the wind, I hope he see the effects and feels the depth of the love I have for him. I don’t try to hide it anymore. I used to try, until it was pointed out to me that I don’t hide it well at all. He has stood right by me through this minefield I try to get through. This journey to self discovery He has helped me in so many different ways.I try to tell him how thankful I am that I have been allowed to share this part of my journey with him. I hope in some small way he feels like I have enriched his life.
Sure I was dressed for the task I was assigned this day, I had no makeup on, my hair was pulled back so I wouldn’t be bothered with that same wind blowing it around.I want to say it doesn’t matter. It was the real me. It wasn’t the person who has to look the part for her job, it was the woman who was doing what she loved and spending time with the person she loved when at one point in her life she was sure that she would never love again. That is a beautiful thing and hopefully the effects showed in my face.