“Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay there’s always some reason
to feel not good enough and it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction oh beautiful release
memories seep from my veins let me be empty
and weightless and maybe I’ll find some peace tonight” –
Angel by Sarah McLachlan
Music speaks to me. I enjoy music with a good beat but music with a message, that speaks right to my heart . When you feel what is being sung hits you where you are living at right at that moment.
“Angel” is one of those songs that elicit that type emotion from me. We all need to feel safe, loved and protected. After you have been with someone for many years, nights get long. You miss the physical contact, I am not just talking about sex, just those little touches you share with your someone special. The bed feels huge. You sleep with a pillow over your stomach, just to feel the pressure. You spend a great number of nights on the couch.
You miss some of the things that you thought would always be there. You think about everything. I can forget my name all day and when I lay down at night, everything I was supposed to do from the time I can remember comes flooding back to my mind. I have seen some amazing things looking out my door in the wee hours of the morning. It is a magical time.
Every word that I have said and heard I replay over in my mind. I pray for those that I love. Praying that they are having a peaceful slumber and that God would send angels to protect them. There are not a lot of people who want you to call them just to chat between 1:00 am and 2:00 am. You might get cussed if you try it many times. There have even been times that I would leave the house and go for a drive, to silence my mind.
I have done many loads of laundry, worked on projects and edited photos in the wee hours of day. The angels have protected me many times. I do know this. I am glad I can’t see the look on my guardian angel’s face at times.
Life does not turn out how we planned it. We do not control how our life unfolds, for lack of a better way of putting it, what path the river of our life will follow. That really is a good thing. Life is not a stagnant state of being and it is ever changing. We must change with it or be run over by it.
We may not always have the person in who’s arms we used to rest. We may leave someone else’s arms empty. If we are really lucky, we may get to lie in the arms of someone else, a new love, again. Until that day or night, I will just rest in the arms of the angels.